Almost six months ago I had my third son, during my pregnancy I kept telling the doctor something felt off couldn't explain it but she ignored me. The day before I had him I had felt him kick even after walking and drinking lots of water which normally got him active at this point. I had also been having contractions. My mom took me to the hospital (she was my walking buddy while my husband took care of our older two) I ate on the way thinking it was time. Got there and was monitored again (this was like my fourth or fifth time going in either for contractions or him not moving) but unlike before they chose to keep me because lil man kept going on and off monitor. The doctor didn't like that at all, and I was dilated to a two at this point. He thought just breaking my waters would do the trick so I called my husband who was taking a nap and told him its about to be go time. Some how they managed to hold out most stuff until he got there a few hours later after calling my dad to get the boys. This part is a blur. I remember the breaking my water and the doctor seeming concerned about the amount of waters i had, it was a lot lol. I remember trying to hold off on the epidural but giving in after I napped. (I'm a napper when in labor) I remember dozing off and waking up to my husband and mom watching my blood pressure and his heart rate.... I remember getting a medication that they give to people who are crashing... I remember mentioning I was to numb compared to my previous epidural and them saying it was fine. The next time I woke up I was basically at 10 and the doctor was telling me I needed to push. I tried, I was numb from the boobs down, couldn't lift my own leg and my body refused to push... My son was pulled out not only by forceps and every other trip but my the doctors own hands. I'll be honest in those moments I felt helpless and like a failure. I remember hearing him cry and a part of me was thankful for that cry but another part of me was still yelling something is wrong. As I laid there watching him I kept mentioning his breathing being off and this became more apparent when I held him. Finally I think someone finally listened and my husband and him were off to nursery to get his foot prints and stuff.. my mom followed because it was taking a while. I remember forcing myself up and to the bathroom because every part of me screamed something was wrong and I wasn't allowed to leave that room unless I had my legs under me. While sitting there one text came across saying my son was in NICU and my husband would explain when he got back. I managed the wall back to the bed and started wanting to go so I could find out what was going on. Just as we were about to leave the room my mom and husband came in. My son's oxegon levels kept dropping. I got to recovery to be greated by a staff member saying my son had a tear in his lung and they had to put a tube in his side to drain fluid or something can't remember anymore tbh.... I finally got to see him and I about broke y'all. This was my husband's second NICU baby but my first and my brain kept saying we made it 36+5 why is this happening. Next morning second rubye was added without anyone warning us because he developed a second tare. For days it seemed like everything was getting worse and worse, I kept pumping and refused to leave until I had to. Four days passed and I had to go but he had started getting better but I was a nervous wreck leaving. The next day on the way to drop milk off they offered me to spend the night with him, day six he came home. I thought we were going to be okay. He took to the boob (unlike my older two) and me and my husband were doing good. Not even three months later my husband was rear-ended totalling the van that fit all of us (including my bonus sons) injuring his back, shoulder and neck..... For three months now things have gotten worse pain wise for him and we have struggled as a family. This past week my youngest woke up from a nap with a swollen testicle and I hunted down a ride to get him in. Friday morning they went to fix a hernia and discovered the doctor we first saw was right and my son's testicle had twisted, this resulted in lack of blood flow and ended in loss of one testicle. Just a few days later my parents who we had been renting from drop it on us that we have to move. I'm about to be without a home, vehicle and husband (hubby due to the first two and being on probation he can't be homeless) I'm trying to see the bright side of things. I'm trying to tell myself it will get better but I can't work because my husband can't care for the kids on his own due to injuries, we are barely living on his social security and we have no clue what's going on with his lawsuit against the guy who hit him.

This cutie right here is one of my main reason for trying to hold on.

And these two

Well of these kids lol and my hubby. I just wish we could catch a break. I'm so mentally and physically tired right now. I just want to catch a break