My son's birthday is next month, then Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It feels like everything is coming up so quickly but it's taking forever for my LO to get here.

I'm also stressing because of the holidays and I'm not prepared for any of it, nor do I have anything for the baby (other than a dresser and pack n play).

Not only that but Christmas presents for my husband's entire family (7 of them) plus presents for my kids (2) and my son's birthday coming up.

We're also in a rough financial situation right now, so all of this is going to have to be on a tight budget. I want to start buying a present a week until Christmas, but we still have all the baby stuff to get.

On top of all of this, I'm in the worst state to deliver in for maternal mortality rates, my hospital is a level 2 NICU, I'm absolutely terrified the level of care I'm used to is going to be completely trashed. I am coming from the best state to deliver in, I think the stark difference is freaking me out. I keep thinking because the state's maternal care is a much lower standard than I'm used to I'm going to end up in surgery getting a Cesarean and bleeding out and dying. Or they're going to be so incompetent that I'm going to tear all the way down to my ass.

Thank you for reading this far, I've talked to my husband about all of this, but he's been here his whole life and he believes because he's known so many women to give birth here I should be fine. I am not fine despite his reassurances.

I know I'm probably freaking out unnecessarily, but I almost want to fly back home to give birth even though it's completely ludicrous. I just... I'm so scared and I'm so worried about everything to come.