Forever sadden

I have really bad pregnancies I can barely keep any food down and I went to the hospital 10 times for sickness, dehydration, and vomiting blood and every time I went I was told my son was fine. To my surprise i went in for my 20 week appointment to see if my baby was a boy or girl and I was told my baby died at 17 weeks. I cursed that hospital to this day and I can't get over the loss because I was told he was fine 2 days before he died. I gave birth on October 14th