Body positivity

Hey ladies, I need some help with body positivity.. I’ve been a big girl my whole adult life.. a couple of years ago it was tolerable as I was 110kgs/242lbs. It would affect me at times but I was mostly okay because I learned to be confident and as I’m quite tall the fat spread nice and evenly. But now I’ve gained a LOT of weight I’m now 130kgs/286lbs. It’s MUCH harder to be confident in this new body. I work in a gym and I’ve done everything but it’s very hard to bring the weight down as I’ve got health issues. I will be doing the gastric sleeve but at the end of next year so until then I have to live with being big..

It’s affected me so much as before I used to have heaps of confidence I would wear open clothing, I was seeing a lot of guys, I would walk on the street with confidence but now I have severe anxiety to go anywhere and for people to look at my body. Everyday walking into work is a total struggle for me as I work in a gym being an obese person it’s very hard as I feel people are judging me and my weight even though 99% of the members are actually lovey towards me ! How can I help tone these negative thoughts out they affect me soo much ! I get negative thoughts that friends or people I meet in the future won’t like me because I’m fat I get scared customers or people on the street are judging me based on my size it’s truly so upsetting I wake up every morning with so much anxiety to leave my house please help