Stay or go?

So. Me and my dude have been together forrrr 9 years. He’s my high school sweet heart. We have had 8 miscarriages within those 9 years . One recently was about 2 months ago. Ever since we lost the baby he has been so cold and distant .

We have been through a roller coaster in our relationship, when I was pregnant a few years back he left me for another woman . I decided that I could forgive him . He was young and we rushed into the baby makin stuff as super young adults .

Since we have been back together I have supported both of us on and off . I work really hard at my job and always have. He has been back and forth with work . He recently just started working again and doesn’t plan on using his first check to help me with bills. Mind you for the last 8 months I’ve been providing for both of us(which did not help my stress)

I also do all the cleaning and cooking apart from working 45 hours a week. I’ll come home after 9 hour days and he leave sink full of dishes , trash full and room torn apart . Being the clean freak I am I come home and clean the whole house. He never offers to help. I shouldn’t have to tell a grown man to clean up after himself ...

Speaking of cleaning , he has a dresser in our room that he keeps stuff on(fucking trash, shell wrappers , gum wrappers etc ) and the other day it was driving me insane by how messy it was ... . So I do the UNTHINKABLE ... I cleaned it .... He proceeded to call me at work and scream at me not to touch his shit. I was so embarrassed and taken back. He really never yells at me . I apologized and he told me to do better in the future.....

He also refuses to have sex with me now . Which he swears isn’t a big deal and I’m overreacting. I’m trying to be patient . I know loss is hard on both of us but how long should I wait ? I feel like he isn’t attracted to me anymore since I’ve always been bigger but went from being pleasantly thick to just plain ole fat 🥺

One of the main things that bother me is , after our loss I started having seizures... they diagnosed me with epilepsy . At first he was really supportive, comforting even . Tonight(the reason I’m really asking a forum for advice ) I collapsed in a seizure and he did nothing to support me . When I came too he was on his phone laughing at videos . I don’t think he understands that this is all new to me and I’m scared. My meds are still being adjusted and so when I do fall out I need him to make sure I’m okay. I didn’t say anything . Just crawled into our bed and cried while staring at the wall.

I do love him. Deeply. But 99.9% of the time I feel like it is completely one sided . Idk what to do anymore ...

Any advice? Should I just go , should I fight for us .... ughh

Rant over 🥺