I need help

I don’t know what is wrong with me. I’ve been having some crazy sadness lately. Like to the point where I have suicidal thoughts. I have thoughts about just leaving my kids and husband and starting a new life. Just walking out the door with no explanation. I don’t know if it’s hormones or just that I am unhappy with my life. I love my kids and husband but it just seems like they are the cause of my issues and stress. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to slit my wrists and lay on a train track. I have no actual friends to talk to about this. I know what my husband is going to do. He will make it about him and make me fee bad about it. I’m not ready to deal with those feelings.