I'm sitting here in the bathroom... you know... the one where I knew I had lost you. Its been almost 3 weeks and I'm still torn to pieces every day that I wake up and have to remember that your gone baby.... I had such high hopes for you and for how I'd raise you and now I'll never hold you in my arms again.

So here it goes, today's one of those horrible days where every turn and every thought is about you... I miss you my son. I love you with more than what I am. I am so sorry baby that mommy couldn't protect you. That I couldn't keep you safe baby I'm so sorry. Your sister would be four next month... damn time flies. I failed her too. I am so sorry to both of you and I pray to God I'll see you both again one day... I love you.

No one in my family has ever had a miscarriage, no one knows how to help me cope... honestly I don't know how to either.

Here it goes, another horrible day without you.