I need to talk with someone who understands

So it’s been almost 5 months since I lost my baby boy my first baby.I delivered him at 33 weeks He was 4.3 oz 19 inches fully developed and healthy as ever And it snowed For a few minutes just after I delivered him he was turning into position and he wrapped his cord around his neck accidentally. I’ve been getting so angry and I’ve been crying a lot more, I realized recently if my doctor hadn’t have pushed my appointment back he could’ve been saved and I’ve avoided the hospital since. People have looked at me so meanly and avoid me. I’ve also recently started becoming more tired then normal and I just can’t seem to find a happy place at times. Every time I do I think about my son and how happy he’d be in my arms and with all of the things me and my family got him. I really feel so heartbroken a piece of my heart was ripped out and went with him. I don’t know what to do and I feel lost.💔💔💔