I thought this month was my month. I didnt have the usual heavy spotting mid cycle, I was late, I was feeling super nauseous. I thought I was pregnant. I thought for sure I was. I'm so sad right now.

A few years ago before we had our middle son and our youngest son, I suffered two miscarriages IF I was able to get pregnant. I had very high testosterone so it was very hard to even get pregnant. I took a prescription and bam pregnant right away. But it still worries and scares the SHIT out of me that maybe I cant get pregnant. Maybe there is something wrong with me again.

I have three beautiful boys and if I never have another baby I will be thankful for them as I am and always will be. But I really want a baby. I've always wanted a big family at least 5 kids.

Just felt like sharing, maybe I'm not alone in these feeling but it's nice to have women who understand what I'm feeling it seems no one around me here can fully understand what I've gone through and the PTSD I suffer from having the miscarriages. When I was pregnant with 2 and 3 I had awful nightmares. Like things you wouldn't even see in a horror movies. Things that make you wake up screaming and crying and shaking and just terrified.

If you made it through this whole post thank you❤