Love my kids but tired! Please read and be nice pls

I’m just tired of life 😪 I haven’t cried in so long but I get to a point where I’ve waited forever and then just blow up ! I love my kids so much I’d die for them but my “husband” is ruining my life I’m over it ! I care too much and I hate that about me I love this guy dearly I’ve tried everything but nothing I do makes him happy I have done so much for him but he doesn’t appreciate me.

6 years with him and it was all about him I never had interest in nobody but him and he cheated all those 6 years on me and I stayed. I caught him in his house with another bitch that he’s so hung up on and obsessed over it seems like it’s never gonna be me he’s always saying that if I’m so tired of him why don’t I leave him but it’s him that doesn’t want me he’s always telling bitches that’s he’s tired of me that he’s only with me for my kids and he’s scared to leave me because I’m depressed and suicidal.

He’s bullied me for almost a month because of his cousin. he will stop talking to me for days then feels bad kiss ass then do it all over again.

He talks down to me always calling me a bad mother and wife that I’m lazy/ a pig

His brother treats my son like complete shit he texted me saying I stole a can of chipotle can a fucken can guys!!! He put a fucken camera in the kitchen facing the way we enter specifically for me!! I wonder were else he fucken his cameras there goes my fucken privacy.

My “husband” only wants me for sex . So I get back to back to back to back vigina infections and I’m tired of it ! He doesn’t fucken understand me or listens to me he doesn’t get how bad infections are the itching and all so he’s always mad at me because of sex like everything he is and dose is because of sex and I’m tired of it he’s only happy when he gets “fed” (sex)

Whenever he cheats he yells at me and blames me for his stupid actions that it’s my fault he does that because I’m a bitch apparently ( because I don’t give him sex)

I’m so mentally fucked up mentally abused verbally abused I stick around hoping one day he will notice me and care for me 😪 I just can’t leave him I’m weak for that I do this to myself I’ve gone away few times but I’m scared to leave because when I do leave he doesn’t chase me or beg me to stay and at first when we dated he would chase after me 😔 he says that if I wanna leave I could leave he’s not gonna be chasing me even though it’s his fault I’m leaving instead of begging me and saying sorry that he’s gonna change and he doesn’t want to lose me he just lets me go like I’m nothing to him like we haven’t been together for 6 years or that we have 2 amazing kids together instead he messages another bitch and asks her about her kids and tells her our business

I want to do so much for my kids and myself career wise and he holds me back.

I can’t smile or laugh because I’m “acting up”” to him if I laugh a little too hard or smile a little too much it’s an issue and he dogs me out all night I can’t drink I can’t swim I can’t go out alone I can’t have friends because I have kids to take care of I’m the girl in the corner chasing around her kids while the “man” of the house has fun and dose anything that he wants and he says that I’m controlling and tell him what he can and can’t do. He says I control him because I ask him for little to no help with his children but I guess a man can’t do that

He’s always accusing me of cheating always assuming I’m talking to guys or I can’t work in a hospital because guys work there so I have to live in a world we’re men don’t exist besides him because it’s a issue! I can’t talk to any guys even if it’s a old ass guy to a young guy I can’t stare or smile at someone because he thinks I had something going on with that person. My town is small so everyone knows each other here so he thinks I dated everyone I never whent out I was quiet in school my mom herself told him how it was I never whent out always home she was so happy because he came along and saved my life I always ended up in the hospital due to anxiety attacks I would stop breathing my chest would tighten up I was depressed af due to rape when I was younger ... but now he’s the one causing me everything he had saved me from 😔