Wondering if this is a normal feeling or something I really should talk to someone about. I’m posting anonymously because I’m just so embarrassed about it. I will try to make it short.

I’m 10 mo pp and honestly just sometimes wish I could opt out. I am NOT going to kill myself. Just, I think if there was an option that said, “ok, I think I’m ready to go now”....I think sometimes I would take it.

I am so embarrassed that I feel this way. A lot. I do sometimes cry on the way to work and home but I am generally a happy person who is doing everything I can to take care of myself and my family. My husband is definitely pulling his weight too and we just literally feel ran into the ground. I know I am worse because I also have constant mom guilt.

- I get up early and work out every single day

- I eat very healthy 3 meals and 2 snacks

- I drink 90oz of water a day

- I sleep about 6hrs a night (same as before baby)

- I work hard as a teacher 7-5

I am trying very hard to take care of myself but these feelings still come up often. I daydream about just getting hit while I’m driving or dying in my sleep so I can just be finished. I was in such good shape before baby and worked out/ate healthy until he was born then as soon as I could after and haven’t lost any of the weight I gained. I know how to eat well and balance. I just don’t know what the heck is going on.

Anyone in this same boat? Is this something I should talk to someone about or does this pass? Literally wtf is going on? I love my son more than anything in the entire world.