Just needing to vent and maybe get advice.

My husband and I both decided we wanted to have a baby. We have been trying for almost 5 months and have had 1 miscarriage. Today was a peak day for us to try. I hadn't taken an ovulation test. I could just tell. He said no. He said he was tired and he has problems reaching orgasm in the mornings. Not only did that make me feel shitty because I can't help him get "there " but he said no when It was a good day for us to try. I wanted this to be our month for our rainbow baby. I've tried talking to him about it and he gets defensive and says I should believe him when he tells me he wants a baby and that he is attracted to me. I have always had self esteem issues and he knows this. And I've never wanted to have a child with anyone else. Even my ex who I was with for nearly 7 years. I just don't know what to do or how to feel. Or especially how to talk to him and actually get somewhere. And it doesn't help that he has a 2 year old with another woman. I love that child with all my heart but it hurts sometimes. I feel like a failure all the way around.