3 years ago, I stayed at a friends house... she had a older cousin in his mid 20s (I was 16). He got alcohol late at night, I was under the impression that my friend snuck it from her parents for us.. but she; was instructed by her cousin to get me as drunk as possible. When I was, he came in and grabbed me and took me to the other room. I remember saying “no I’m going to sleep I’m tired” and his response was “I’ll give you energy” and pulled me to the floor. I was fading in and out of conciseness and I was weak.. My “friend” guarded the door, and recorded it then sent it to me so I could see it in the morning. He even mentioned coming back and doing it again while I slept...

I remember the next day he asked if I remembered, I said “yeah” and he said “oh sorry” I was in pain for a week... I held it in for so so long. I tried therapy they weren’t very helpful they just said to keep writing and talking about it.

I’m now married, and I just had a baby (that was so hard because the pain of pushing reminded me of my assault.) but I still have my nights to where my PTSD comes back and I can’t sleep and when I do I have nightmares of the man coming back and doing it again but killing me after for saying anything.

How in the hell can I fully heal? I NEED PEACE.