I don’t know how to feel!!

I’m going to start from the beginning- and hopefully won’t be too long!! But I’d like to share our story.

Last year we were so happy to find out we were expecting a baby boy.

I was scheduled a section in May for medical reasons I couldn’t have him naturally.

My pregnancy was perfect, he was perfect! The morning of the section we went to the hospital as required, he was moving around the midwife made a joke he must be eager to come out and meet us the way he was wriggling around! We were excited to meet him!

Just before the surgery they did some obs- they couldn’t find his heartbeat. The fast scan confirmed he had passed, it took a while to sink in- we were heartbroken that our beautiful, perfect 9lb 2oz baby was gone, just like that. We named him Lucas.

We spent hours cuddling him before we had to say goodbye and go home. The day of his funeral was one of the hardest days.

I have a 9 year old daughter who decides not to attend, we gave her the choice after explaining it all naturally she was so upset by it all but has been our rock the whole way through.

I still cry when I look at his photo, or wake up and his ashes are there.

This morning after realising I can’t live without McDonald’s strawberry milkshake and need to pee every 15 minutes I decided to take a test. And we are expecting our ‘rainbow’ ❤️

I’m absolutely terrified it will go wrong.

I cried.

I panicked.

But I’m grateful and I’m happy all at the same time.

I don’t want people to think we are trying to replace Lucas having one so soon, he can never be replaced his big sister talks about him all the time and we will make sure his younger sibling knows all about him.