Help leaving abusive marriage
My MIL is seriously considering leaving my FIL. It is honestly way past due. He is terrible to her sand everyone else. He has never physically hurt her but he is definitely mentally/emotionally abusive and a complete narcissist.
She is afraid however that he will become physical when she tells him she is leaving. Last year he kept saying he was going to leave her but never did. It was another one of his emotional games.
Now MIL has a full time job and could actually maybe support herself and their daughter. She told my husband that she may show up on our doorstep one day soon. Honestly I’m fine with letting them stay with us for a little bit. It will be cramped, but we can make it work in the short term.
My concern is that she is not a very motivated person, so I feel like she will just continue to stay here and not pursue finding her own place. Plus my husband is the child she is closest to, so I feel like she will want to be around him all the time, like forever! (I’m the witch who stole him away in her eyes.)
I think she will also make the excuse of not having enough money. She has a very well paying job now, but she has no budgeting skills nor does she want to learn. She just buys what she wants when she wants to, gets her hair and nails done regularly, and thinks things like home internet, cable, and Netflix are a necessity.
The closest women’s shelter is about 30 miles away and in very poor condition (we had a friend stay there a couple years ago), so that’s not an option for them to go to.
We want to be sure she’s safe, so my husband decided he and his brother’s (all adults) will be waiting outside their parents’ house when she tells FIL in case things do get physical. For anyone who has been through a situation like this, I have some questions:
1. How does she go about getting all of her and her daughter’s possessions once she leaves? She can’t pack up without him knowing. He is currently unemployed and literally never leaves the house and rarely sleeps at night, so if she tried to pack then, chances are he would wake up.
2. Could she prevent him from picking up their daughter from school?
3. Does the school have to release the daughter if she doesn’t want to go with him? She’s 11 and knows how terrible her dad is. She would not willingly leave with him.
4. Could she get a court order or something that says he has to leave their residence? They rent the house but do not have a lease agreement. Their landlord is more of a shake hands on it kind of guy. But the concern with that is that he (FIL) would show back up whenever he wanted because he thinks no one, even the law can tell him what to do.
If you have any other tips, please tell me. We know this will be very messy but want to be as prepared as possible.