I’m in a terrible relationship with a man 25 years older than me
I don’t know what to do. I’ve got myself wrapped into a terrible relationship that I don’t feel I can get out of.
I met this man two years ago. At first, we were just a fling. We’d see each other occasionally, hang out, have causal sex, etc. We started to fall for each other and eventually I moved in. We were really into each other. Naively, we decided to get pregnant (now have a 3.5 month old).
This man turned into someone I don’t even know. I had hyperemesis during the pregnancy and was always sick. He didn’t help me. Anytime I was sick or ended up in the ER, he made me feel like a nuisance. He never stayed with me in the hospital if I had to stay overnight. At home, when I was sick, he didn’t do anything to help. He would roll over in bed if I asked him to get me some medicine, something to drink, etc. He became so distant. My due date was May 10th. My birthday was May 12th... he totally forgot my birthday. Didn’t even get me a card or anything... absolutely nothing.
The day of induction (May 13), he just sat in a chair and didn’t really say anything. Just looked at me or slept. When he was born, he refused to clamp the cord, took some pictures, didn’t even kiss or hug me, and left to get some food. I cried and cried. He didn’t even want to stay the night that evening he was born. I begged him to. The next day, my best friend came to visit for the first time. Also, the first time he was meeting her. He didn’t even say anything to her. Didn’t even make an effort to be friendly. This is the first he did it- when he met my father, when I was roughly 4 months pregnant, he tried to stand him up. He showed up an hour n a half late for dinner and my dad patiently waited, and waited. He wasn’t friendly when he met my dad- the most important person in my life.
The following two weeks with our new little guy, I slept downstairs in the babies nursery on a friken cot (we don’t have an extra bed) while he slept upstairs with his two kids. He had me sleeping downstairs because he didn’t want to upset his boy (12 years old) with the baby’s crying. He didn’t help me at all. I wasn’t taking care of myself (never really had an opportunity to) and ended up developing a hematoma where I tore. I had to be readmitted and had emergency surgery to remove the hematoma behind the tear (clot of dried blood that was becoming infected). After alll of that, I became septic and developed c diff. He didn’t want to help me, he had too much “going on at work.” I had to go to my parents for a few weeks just to get help and rest.
I don’t know how to get past all of this hurt I feel. I don’t feel I even love this man anymore, as much as I want to. I work a full time job now (went back at 9 weeks), but I can’t work my job without his financial help for daycare. I want out so badly. I haven’t left though because I feel it will mess up his kids, 12 year old boy girl twins. Here I am... some woman that came into their lives, had a baby with their dad, and now I just leave them?? (Ps- they really like me.. more than their dad I’m pretty sure. He doesn’t listen to them. He doesn’t really know them, I’ve determined. Sadly, this didn’t hit me until after I was pregnant. I got a whole different man before I was pregnant.)
What do I do? 😭 I wish I could press reset.