Ok I know I've written about this before but for some reason my mind won't let it go...even after two years. I recently broke up with my boyfriend (I broke up with him). Our relationship to me seemed ok for the most part but I dont think I would say I was head over heels for him like he was with me. Mind you all this is my first ever relationship (I guess I still have a preteen mentality when it comes to relationships who knows🙄🤷‍♀️). But to give a brief backstory this happened when I was 21 and he was 21 so two years ago, he was always over sexual. When we would talk sometimes it would lead to sexting and me being me I just wanted someone to talk to so I went along with it being uncomfortable and also intrigued by the messages. Now I didn't mind that, but I always told him I'd wait until I was married, which in turn he respected. So one day I guess we were joking around and the conversation led back to sexting somehow and he brought up oral. Me being me I didn't know why someone would want to put their mouth down there, so I went cautiously into the conversation sending 🙈😖😬 whenever I didn't know what to say. I somehow agreed, but I was really unsure about it. Cut to maybe a week to a few weeks after the convo about oral came up we were cuddling in his bed, nothing out of the ordinary, made out a little then he did something...he said "oh yeah I forgot, " and he flipped me over on my tummy (I was laying on my side). I was confused about what he was doing as he pulled my pants down a little. Now quick context he for some odd reason he for some reason liked to bite my butt cheek. Idk why he liked it, but I usually snached my pants right back up the two times he did that. So he bit my butt a few times then he did something I wasn't expecting him to do...he licked my vag. I didn't know what to do so I just buried my head in the pillow and tried to pull my pants back up. I did. I asked him why he did that he said "I just wanted to see your reaction."

.....

Ever since then I've been confused about what happened to me. I posted this before and someone said it was my fault for just letting him do that, but I didn't know he was gonna do that. I asked my friends about it some said it was rape others said it was molestation.

I don't know honestly because we talked about it before (and I usually saw him on weekends sometimes since I go to school in a different town), but I never thought he would do that without asking me....but he did do things I didn't want him to do (like the first time we met in person. We were talking for a year or two before meeting and he told me I had to say 'I love you' to get him to leave my aunts house...which I did. Or just pushing a bit too quickly in general)

Does anyone have any thoughts so I can stop thinking about this?