To sum everything up:

• my oldest has picture day today and we have 5 mins before we need to leave and he's nowhere ready

•middle child throws multiple tantrums in public while running errands and during dinner

•oldest finishes dinner, then proceeds to stand up and vomit his whole dinner next to the table and trails some of it to the bathroom

•my husband is sick and is coming home early from work tomorrow because it's our youngest 1st birthday (yay but boo! He's sick and now I need to worry how to keep him from spreading his germs)

•1130pm my oldest gets out of bed and pees all over his bedroom floor and in the hallway going to our bedroom

- he's crying because he peed everywhere which cause his younger sisters to wake up crying (all 3 kids share a room) [since everyone is crying, I start crying because I start to question myself if i can still do this]

Not having anyone to rely on when you need help sucks. Especially for my mental health. After taking care of my oldest from peeing everywhere marks the 2nd time I've ever questioned myself if I can be a mom and handle everything mentally. I know I already had my kids but I don't know it's just hard. It's taking toll on my body and no matter how much I ask for help it just seems it's not enough. Especially since no one is around to help. Hoping tomorrow will be better. It has to, it's my daughters 1st birthday.

Background: I'm a SAHM and taking care of 3 kids under 5, while my husband travels for work and is gone 4-5 days/week. I have family locally but my mom and MIL both work FT and my BIL and my siblings, we don't have a relationship..or they don't want relationships with our family, for whatever reason. Plus I don't have friends,not since 2013.

Side note: On the positive side, I finally gained better control of my mental health and no longer need to go to therapy or group on a scheduled basis. Sorry this was so long.