So sorry to post this here but I need to get this out..

I got my first positive test 01/08/2019 and I’ve had 6 more positive tests since then, the last being just 3 days ago.

I went to my GP and had them confirm pregnancy test with urine sample 20/08/2019.

Booked myself into our local maternity hospital, attend the booking appointment with the midwife. Got all kinds of mum-to-be packs, gift packs, info flyers, ante-natal vitamins etc.

I asked the midwife how far she thinks we are, as my last period was 26/05/2019 the gp suspected around 13 weeks at that point but I told the midwife this isn’t the case as we had several negative tests through May; June and July, so earliest we could have conceived would be end of july/early August so maybe only 3/4 weeks pregnant now.

Midwife said we were likely to early for test to confirm pregnancy then, and we are further than we think and feel. I gave her my Urine sample and she took 5 tubes of blood from me at that appointment and told me we were fine to announce our pregnancy.

We did, we came home and told our family and friends.

At this point I’d like to add we are currently off work on honeymoon Time as we just got married 22/08/2019 so we were pregnant for our wedding which is now an unbelievably painful reminder each time we see our beautiful wedding pictures and videos.

Pain and cramping started about a week ago, I’ve been calling the maternity hospital day and night asking is this normal, should we be concerned and should I come in to be checked over. They told me pain is n it’s own wouldn’t be a cause for concern, unless accompanied by bleeding etc.

So Tuesday evening at dinner I started to bleed, very lightly like spotting and it was pink when I wiped after going to the toilet.

I went to the maternity hospital and had internal exam, doctor said my cervix looked healthy but irritated and that was likely cause of the bleeding.

Then he tested my urine and pregnancy test came back negative so he ordered a blood test. Blood pregnancy test came back positive but only slightly, my hcg level was very low (37).

At this point I broke down and I already knew I’d started to miscarry, I just can’t shake this feeling of total failure on the midwife/doctors part.

Why didn’t anyone suggest a blood test earlier?

Why did the midwife give me mum-to-be packs and advise me to announce to family and friends especially after me arguing that we were not that far along.

Why didn’t she test my urine then and there?

Why didn’t the gp order blood tests?

Why did the doctor in the ER check my cervix and put the bleeding down to that before checking for signs of miscarriage?

Anyway, the doctor told me to come back on Friday to repeat the blood test and see if the hcg level rises or drops, but in the meantime I’ve now miscarried, the pain is unreal and I’ve started to bleed heavier and I’m now passing naturally.

I am still going to attend the hospital tomorrow to hopefully eat some answers, but I’m heartbroken and traumatised. I’ve cried all day, my husband is trying his best to comfort me and tell me we will get pregnant again.

But we were TTC for about a year and I have a few different health conditions that do raise my chances of miscarriage so I can’t help but wonder if this will happen every time I get a positive pregnancy test.

Something else which now feels untrustworthy, a positive pregnancy test today could be a negative tomorrow, there is no surefire confirmation through pregnancy and more so for someone in our position.

I hope someday soon we fall pregnant again, I wish pregnancy and baby dust to all of you TTC and I pray for the most stickiest of beans to make home in my womb, to withstand all risk and join our family.

Again I’m sorry for the messy sad post, I guess I’d also like to know from those of you in this app, when we should start TTC again?

Should we wait for a set amount of time, or just start trying once I’ve stopped bleeding?

Thank you, love and baby dust to you all.

❤️🤰🏼