Are yelling, anger and names ever justified?

Question

Ok guys, so I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now. We love each other a lot but are fundamentally different people and both aware of it. Being together has been lots of work since the beginning.
Sometimes, I feel he doesn’t get me so I have these negative thoughts creep into my head that then escalate and I end up saying things in an explosive manner. He is not a talkative person and says he hates to discuss things ALL the time, and I do ask questions quite often to clarify on my thoughts and like to talk things through. Knowing that my negative thoughts may ruin certain moments as he hates to talk, I keep them to myself, until it escalates to the point of me saying things in a more aggressive manner. 
We’ve had lots of fights that started like this and he used to be more patient but right now is losing the patience. In fact, he actually said that after our last fight. 
I brought up things about some girls texting him that were based on an assumption I had in a not so calm, detective style manner, and he ended up leaving bed also in a not so calm manner and saying I was a “bitch”. He’s never said this before ever. The next day he apologized very casually and to me the apology had to be more thoughtful than that, so we ended up in another fight where he said he was done and I should pack up my stuff and leave (I was in his house). He said he was turning into a horrible person because of everything. I ended up crying in disbelief because he used to be so protective of me and he felt bad and hugged me. 
I do realize this is pretty toxic now, but I am trying to figure out if there is anything I can do that will ever change this. I need him to just explain things in a loving manner, and he says there are so many things now that he just can’t anymore. 
I think I may have pushed him to the edge, but again, I am not sure if anything justifies this treatment. Has anyone been able to pull through this and find a loving spot again? Or is this a breakup pending any day now? Thank you!

Answer

I feel like I personally wrote this. I'm commenting because I don't have the answer but maybe someone else does 😂 And also if you ever need to message me at least I know the boat you're in!

Answer

Personally name calling is one of the things that I really hate, and when we argue we never call each other names..
But me and my boyfriend do have different ways of dealing with arguments sometimes. 
He has no issue with sleeping on things and waking up fresh and calmer the next day, rather than things getting out of hand. But I find that quite hard and struggle to go to sleep on an argument, generally preferring to resolve it there and then. 
So it really can make things worse when we have different reactions, and end up pushing each other to the edge. 
But it’s a case of recognising what your doing. And if you both realise the impact of your actions and realising when it’s toxic then you can work to find a compromise.

Answer

Sounds like your relationship is toxic. An not from just him calling you names and getting upset and telling you to leave. 
But because you are insecure and don’t know how to communicate your thoughts and feelings. You pent them up and let them explode all over him without any warning whatsoever. It’s like your the iceberg that sunk the titanic.
You need to stop and think about thinks before you say them, and think about how it’s going to play out. You said you know that they ruin the day or mood and yet you still do it. 
Perhaps you should seek counseling for yourself. Not couples therapy. You could probably use that as well. But you need to have someone that’s just for you, that can help you work though your insecurities, and how to talk things through before one of these days he tells you to go and instead of him welcoming you back with open arms he shuts the door on you. 
••• I’m speaking from similar experience, one of my insecurities especially my partner being my 1st ever boyfriend was his ex’s and what they were like and how they looked compared to me. They were always some 110lb. skinny girl with straight hair and a white complexion and taller probably 5’5 to 5’9 Where as being a Latina I am naturally thicker weighed 130 and am only 4’11. 
This would make me feel insecure and I let it bug me and it did affect my relationship early on. It caused a lot of drama that was unnecessary. An it ended up with him cheating with his ex. An that was partially my fault, because I always brought her up and asked about her and when when I heard a response I didn’t like would tell him that maybe he should just go be with her. So in a way I pushed him away and I put the the idea in his head that being with her would maybe be easier. 
We stayed together for 2 months after he cheated, but I couldn’t do it I could look at him the same, I wasn’t healed, I lost myself and trying to do a kiss and forgive. I lost 20lbs in 2 months, lost myself in my work taking on more hrs to avoid seeing him because it hurt and we both got distant. An one night he tried to make up with a special romantic night and it was great. The sex was good and I loved him, but that emotional connection was strained. I ended up packing my stuff the next morning and I left. We spent 3 months apart and it was the worst and best thing ever. In that time I let myself get lost in it all. I worked 16hr shifts as a CNA, I went to therapy and worked on myself, I ran about with my friends and we had girls nights where we watched movies, drank and just had girl talk. I went on drives to nowhere in particular and would park and cry missing my partner but then I’d look at myself and remember this is me I can feel things again I have emotions. 
An then out of nowhere he saw me and I saw him and he stopped I hoped in his car and we drove no talking, no hugs or kisses, just holding hands til he dropped me off at home. An from there our friendship began, after 3 months of no communication with him. 
We stared over, we talked things through, we agreed to leave the pay behind us, and to talk things out. We agreed to go slow and with that we’ve been together 5yrs now, have 2 babies and are saving for our own house to buy, & planning our wedding. 
I’ve had fears of committing to him after the cheating and it’s something Ive worked on with counseling and with talking it out with my partner. But, the last time he asked about marriage, I finally said yes.  
It’s not to late to help yourself and fix things. An its not a bad thing to step away from your partner and work on yourself. Sometimes its best to take a step back and focus just solely on ourselves. Because if we can’t figure out our own problems and understand why we do the things we do then we won’t be able to figure out how it takes a toll on the other person.
I wish you the best of luck. As said I’ve been there and I hope you find your peace and happiness whatever it be💕

Are yelling, anger and names ever justified?

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