I’ve been married 4 years as of yesterday, don’t congratulate me yet.

We’ve been together for 5 years total and needless to say, I’ve regretted my choice over and over again.

I was single for awhile before we met and I had kinda gotten used to be living a life of singleness. It’s actually what I wanted, just to be free, not sleep around, but just free to do whatever I wanted without having to be responsible for someone else.

Well...that didn’t happen. So anyway, yes I love him, but I’ve never been in love with him. I got really sick right before we got married. The dr didn’t know what was wrong, they made it seem like it was rare and like I may not live or live a normal life. I panicked, flipped out, got depressed...the whole nine. And he was there for me. I was in fear of being alone, dying alone...I’m an only child and my parents are older....anyway, we got married. Should have been the happiest, but I was already cringing inside....I’ve never said that before.

Within that first year, I found out I was just diabetic and had been since childhood. So yes it was serious and yes, I’m ok. But he had 2 major surgeries and the recovery was insane. But I got him through it. I was working and had great insurance. He couldn’t work because of recovery and I New I’d have to be the one to handle things for a good while. I just didn’t think, that I’d still be doing it today.

He’s not responsible. He’s changed into this angry person who doesn’t know how to communicated live in reality. He sits around all day playing world of Warcraft, I call it Dungeons and FuckTards. But whatever. Anyway, he always has an excuse as to why he can’t get a job or why he didn’t stay at the one he finally got hired at.

So now, here we are...to today, the day after what should have been a happy time. I’m here packing up my things because I decided to leave him. I can’t be responsible for everything for someone else. I’ve never been that way, I believe everyone should be able to pull their own weight, to have emergency funds and to make sure that you have the right support group around you. I’ve given up dreams for him, I’m worked my ass off to put a roof over his head, food I. The fridge and clothes on his back, I’ve also paid for some really cool vacations and fun events. Not once did I get a thank you or an I love you.

I know I felt like I was going to die alone before I married him and maybe that was my bad choice, maybe I should have thought about it harder, I know marriage isn’t a game, but I never thought I’d end up here. I feel like he married me out of convenience. He had no where to live...he worked on the road. So right after we met he was staying at my place on weekends. So I feel taken advantage of.

That’s not what I’m upset about though, that was back story. I’m upset because he sees me packing, he knows I’m leaving and he knows full well why. But he pretends like I’m not and tries to butter me up. He knows once I leave, everything stops and he will have to fend for himself. Why is he not getting it? I know he doesn’t really love me, he isolated himself from me, he never does anything with me, he doesn’t care to talk to me. So here I am doing everything for this man and I’m just ignored.

This is why I’m leaving. Why do I feel bad? Am I too nice? WTH?!?