Am I losing it?...

Ki

I’ve never wanted children, except when I was very young and with the entirely wrong person. I even got a mirena as extra insurance without regard for the possibility that it could significantly decrease my chances of ever becoming pregnant. I got told by a doctor at age 22 that it was extremely unlikely that I would ever have children due to my medical and menstrual history. Now I am suffering from endometriosis and PCOS and am pending an upcoming exploratory surgery to see just how bad it is. If I’m stage four, the only way to relieve my pain is to remove my uterus. Suddenly I feel plagued by the desire to procreate. I think babies are cute (which I never did before) and I feel as if something has been stolen from me even though I have not yet undergone the surgery. Is this just because my hormones are going crazy? I’m overproducing both estrogen and progesterone, I am in constant, usually severe, pain, and I feel like I’m going crazy. Usually when I see children in public I feel relieved that I don’t have them, but now any time I see a child or a baby I just feel sad and kind of empty... I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about it, because he doesn’t want children either. It was supposed to be something we agreed on. Now I just don’t know. Should I wait to bring it up until my hormones have balanced after my surgery? Help.