Sarah

Chris stepped out of the car and my heart stopped my breath catching. There he was exactly as he looked in my dreams. His dark hair was slightly longer falling across his face in a slightly messy way, his tanned skin had grown a little more pale and he had signs of stubble on his jaw. He still had his toned muscular body. Not like a body builder or anything but he still had the sportsman body that showed he would have no problems with flinging me over his shoulder. His warm chocolate brown eyes sparkled as they settled on me and he smiled, it was that same beautiful smile and dam he still had the dimples.

"hey Romeo." I said instantly wanting to grab the words back, why had I said that? But Chris just ran across the space between us and wrapped his arms around me pulling me to his chest. I pressed myself into his chest letting myself go listening to just his heartbeat, he was here that had to be enough. It didn't take long for him to release me maybe wandering if his hug had been wanted. I smiled at Chris who reached out stroking my cheek his eyes locked on mine as if afraid I might vanish. I got it I had dreamt of him so many times I was worried he was going to turn out to be a mirage.

"come in" I said suddenly feeling a little awkward, "let's get you a coffee it's really late."

"yeah sorry about that." he shrugged following me to the kitchen. I put the kettle on and looked at Chris who was stood nearby looking very awkward. I flushed as I remembered the last time he'd been in the kitchen was when he had been bending me over the kitchen island fucking me from behind. I made the coffee quickly and then led Chris into the living room strangely the conversation had completely dried up we just both sat awkwardly looking at our coffee cups. I didn't know what to say my mind was just reeling too busy trying to comprehend what was going on to come up with conversation

"Sarah" Chris said finally, I looked up"im sorry about what happened leaving you that letter and everything. It wasn't that I didn't love you. " he told his knees" I just thought you'd be you know better off if you moved on.

"that... I believe you but... it doesn't matter anymore. Dad well he wouldn't have let you get anywhere near me. He blamed you but we'll he never forgave me either." Chris flinched like he was going to reach for me but thought better of it.

"angry at you huh because he still sent you to medical school though and I got thrown out of the house with a pack of fruit pastels and my office ID badge."

"I'm sorry are you angry at me for that?"

" yeah yeah I think I am."

"you think I didn't suffer here. I was locked up here for almost a year. My dad offered me a deal for medical school I could go but I could not live here, but to appear at all events 'appropriately' I was not to speak a word to anyone about our relationship and I was to Never try to find you or speak to you again. But of course you were hiding from me so that condition wasn't as bad as I thought. "

" I was hiding from the world. "he said quietly

" oh good not just me then. "

" are you angry me now juliet? "

" yeah."

"any more conditions?"

"a few,"

"are you not going to tell me about the baby." my breath caught totally wrong footed and Chris' unexpected words opened old wounds. I clenched my fists as I realised .

"Dylan. That fucker" I snarled quietly my anger at Chris instantly evaporating.

"it was better I knew."

"well it was a surprise to me too I'd been on the pill for years but I guess my exams and stress and stuff I guess I missed a few. And then I came home and well that happened and planb wasn't really in my head. I found out I was pregnant about 5 minutes after I read your break up letter."

" and you decided to just not bother telling me. "my anger flared again,

" you'd run off I didn't know where you were. "

" bullshit Sarah. You knew I was in touch with Dylan"

"you'd run away from me." I said slowly "you told me you'd come for me that you'd find me but you didn't I was 18 Chris what were they going to do. But you didn't you ran off and left me and sent me a goodbye ill miss you letter. What did you want me to do track you down and trap you. Because from where I was you didn't want me so I wasn't going to fool myself that you'd want me and a baby. "

" you think I didn't want you? "

" how long did you try to get me back how long were you around before you decided I'd be better off. " he didnt answer.

" you could have found me you managed it pretty quickly this time. "

" yeah and up until now I thought that was lucky. " I stood up this was too much too many unhealed wounds," you can show yourself out. " I said striding out of the room.

"Sarah Sarah." he called heard but ignored him until he grabbed my hand. I turned to look at him flatly. "I'm sorry that was cruel that wasn't about you it's a lot of stuff went on that I don't understand and I'm not angry at you I'm fucking angry at him and I can't tell him now can I. Why can't he just be here so I can fucking yell at him. Hes the one who did this to us. "he looked so lost right then and I got it I understood estranged we might have been but he was our father and we never got to have closure.

" how about for now we try to make this a little less intense. "

" yeah? "

" wait here. "I scampered off to the kitchen and returned with 2 bottles of beer. I held one out silently." I would offer pizza to but its. "

" yeah 1am."he took the beer with a smile.

" I have something for you wanna go look and we'll put off the angry intense stuff for a bit. "

" 10 years might work" I smiled and scampered up the stairs knowing Chris would follow. I led the way to his room and opened the door, Chris frowned at me.

"there yours." I said gently the room was filled with canvases and easels paintings upon paintings. "dad tore down your studio I... I persuaded some of the builders to save some of your paintings I hid them in the attic dad never found them so I brought them down here." but Chris wasn't listening he was moving amongst the paintings as if in a daze stroking his fingers over the surfaces." that's how I found you I thought you should know about dad so I talked to a pi he talked about aliases and I just tried our nickname and your mums maiden name and there was your art."

"you knew they were mine."

"I've seen enough of your work. So I called galleries until one knew you."

"thank you for this,"

"I didn't get them all."

"it doesn't matter. There are lots they are like snapshots of my life."

"seeing the world through your eyes." he nodded,

"did you get the painting I left in your room." I smiled and nodded.

"it's in my apartment."

"just your apartment?" I smiled,

"are you alone?" he nodded,

"yeah," he said gently, I smiled

"just me and ollie in the apartment. "

"ollie?" I laughed,

"my cat."

"oh. So what's that?"he said pointing at my left hand. I lifted it blushing my mouth suddenly dry.

" I..."i fell silent as I twiddled with my engagement ring." we don't live together. With his job and my residency. We will live together... One day. "

" you don't seem sure. " I squirmed needing those beautiful eyes off me.

" I love him. "I muttered to my knees.

" do you. " Chris said quietly still watching me intently.

" Chris it's been six years" I said the tears, starting, but I couldn't look at him, "and he he's been so good to me patient and understanding he fets I'm damaged and" the tears gripped my throat silencing me as I kept my eyes on the floor

"it's OK sarah you don't need to justify yourself to me."

"no you don't get it I have tried so hard to love him and I can't love him like I know I can love" my voice was growing louder and louder, "I can't.. I can't because I can't let myself because HE'S NOT YOU" Chris stood watching me silently. The silence stretched out between us but I refused to meet his gaze.

"Sarah" he whispered "Sarah." I ignored him keeping my head down and allowing tears to slide down my face. "juliet."i lifted my eyes and Chris was stood so close to me a tiny sad smile on his face he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine and my entire body came alive.

Thanks for reading hope your still enjoying the story. And thank you for all the comments I really appreciate the feedback ❤️❤️❤️