Hi guys. I’m trying to decide whether I should try to shake this scary experience off, or if I should bring it to more people attention...

I downloaded hinge after having not dated for several months and the next day (Saturday) I matched with someone. He was visiting his parents for the weekend and invited me over for a pool day. I suggested coffee of lunch and he agreed that could work the next day, but he wanted to spend time at the house and wanted me to come too. Now I’m not a dummy, but I looked up the address and found him and his family online (lol) so I figured a pool day with other people there wouldn’t be so bad. And it wasn’t.

James was very very touchy though. We had a lot in common and had decent conversation in and out the pool. We also grilled some food and I spent some time chatting with his parent and other family members, but still James was very touchy. I explained in a fair way that I’m not looking to rush a physical relationship he seemed to understand but then he would like come up behind me and kiss on my neck, he slapped me on the ass and then the last straw being he pressed up against me and wrapped his hand around my throat and touching my vag with his other hand. Trying to be civil I went up to my stuff to change out of my bathing suit (I was planning to go home after that) and he followed me into the guest room where my things were. He said kinda ticked off “there been a few times where I’ve tried to be intimate and you won’t reciprocate my kisses. Why can’t we just hug and kiss a little?” This was fucking wild and uncomfortable to me so staying calm I explained AGAIN that I want to take it slow and I can’t pretend to want to kiss someone if I haven’t established feelings. It’s only been like 5 hours of knowing him. I went into the bathroom to change and came out to him still in the room. Now more pissed off he says, “I’m trying to be open and communicate with you and now your leaving!!” Again I tried to explain in a calm manner why I was leaving but he kept cutting me off so I stopped using my nice voice and said JAMES if you would just LISTEN instead of talking over me you would KNOW WHY IM LEAVING. He started yelling at me about how I was talking to him and at that point I just started walking downstairs to leave.

“Get the fuck outta my house”

“I bet you fuck for money”

“You’re a hairy slut and you stink too”

Lmao anything to make himself feel better I guess (he literally kissed my butt cheek when I was laying by the pool at one point and me mentioning that pissed him off. He blocked my way out the house and so i began yelling GET OFF OF ME IVE ASKED YOU SEVERAL TIMES TO GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. I TOLD YOU I DIDNT WANT TO FUCK YOU AND YOUR GOING CRAZY

I def lost my temper but I was really afraid and knew there were other people in the house that could help if it got to that point. It didn’t but as soon as I left the text messages started pouring in. Of course all he did was insult me and talk about how I’m “crazy and started yelling lies throughout the neighborhood” and how I need help and I’m bipolar and too ratchet for him (I’m black he’s white so I took that to be a racial dig). He did this for like two hours.

All of his texts were exaggerations with no mention to the reason things went from 0-100 of course because he was embarrassed of rejection. The problem here is:

1) I had really lovely conversations with a few of his family members. We got as deep as my career and future aspirations. I’m embarrassed I left like that but they were my gut reactions out of being afraid, for real and frankly appalled that he wasn’t like understanding that I didn’t want to be touched like that anymore.

2) I lost my step sister, nine months ago to domestic violence. Her boyfriend killed her on New Years <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> and then killed himself. Yeah. So this incident really fucking spooked me and I can’t shake it off.

I have written a letter that I want to send to his parents. They were so nice to me and they left the house about an two hour before shit got wild. Part of me wants to send it out of defense of myself but also to maybe get this boy some help. It’s not my job but I sometimes feel had someone notified my parents that my step sister was seeing someone that was abusive, she would be alive (my parents didn’t know she was dating anyone). James and I met that day which is weird I know, i won’t be going on house dates again lol 🥴 but because this occurred at their home, I feel like it justifies me sending an explanation for the commotion. Additionally he told me that he’s banned from other dating apps, literally I thought it was a joke ( I have a couple girl friends that have been banned for dumb reasons) but it seems like he’s got a history of being verbally abusive. I reported him on hinge but I feel like I want to take another step and send this very unemotional timeline of events and why his behavior matters to me (my sister).

Is this overkill? Should I leave it alone? They all were incredibly kind and hospitable to me. Very good people but I don’t want it to blow up in my face. I never have to see them again in either outcome.

I was going to mail it since I have their address from the GPS. James lives two hours away.

Thanks