I'm not sure where to start. I have a relatively complicated relationship with my family. I am and have always been very close to my mom. My dad is a deadbeat and was never around. When I was 9 my mom married my art teacher, and I gained 3 step-siblings. I've never had a good relationship with my step family. I had an okay relationship with one of my step-brothers, but that was it. I definitely was made to feel like the black sheep of the family. My stepdad always made it apparent that I wasn't his kid. Sometimes it was subtle, other times it wasn't. He had a bad temper, used to discipline his kids with a belt, and I was scared of him and scared of him hitting me or my mom (he never did, thank goodness).

I'd express to my mom my dislikes and fears growing up to some extent. She knows and signed off on me going to counseling because of me having to deal with him. I sort of hoped me moving out and getting older would help to at least allow me to better tolerate my stepdad. Oh how wrong I was.

I still don't like the man. He's very self centered, disrespectful of others, only talks about his interests during conversations or else he's completely disengaged, doesn't treat my mom well, and I just find him overall intolerable. My husband doesn't like him either and describes him as "a troll from storybooks that lives under a bridge trying to live in society". I've expressed to my mom how I'm still struggling with him, both from past and current actions. A recent example is my stepdad throwing a fit about me storing some things in their attic due to some unforeseen circumstances, but he's storing TONS of his own kids stuff with no problem.

All of this to bring us to the past few weeks. My husband and I have our 3 week old baby girl. Before she was born, I told my mom we didn't want pictures posted on social media by others. I don't know all of her Facebook friends or my stepdads (and his page is basically public). But I expressed that she was welcome to share what we posted, but that was it. About a week ago my mom posts a whole album of pictures, including screen shots of my snapchats to her. I immediately messaged her and reminded her of what my husband and I had requested. She then made the album private to select family members (which I told her I was fine with so she didn't need to delete the whole post. Which I now sort of regret...). Before baby was born, my husband and I also decided that my stepdad would be called by his first name by our child. Both my husband and I have step-grandparents that we have always referred to by first name, for example it was "Grandpa and Joanne" for him and "Grandpa and Diane" for me. We are more comfortable with that. When we visited my mom and stepdad yesterday, he referred to himself as grandpa at least once, and my mom called him that too. I didn't even say anything because I didn't know what to say. My husband and I both feel that our wishes are being completely disrespected.

Another incident that has been frustrating is my mom always brings my little brother (13) with her when I need some help when my husband is at work. I'm almost always indecent due to ill fitting bras and clothing and constant breastfeeding. I had told my mom before baby was here that I'd like just her hello, especially in those early days. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom, you know? One night she asked to come up for a few to see baby. Baby cluster feeds at night like crazy, but we said yes because it was just her. Well right as she left her house to see us she sends a text saying "It will be all of us I guess ;)". She brought my little brother and stepdad with her. I was furious. My husband was furious. I let her know the next day we were not okay with that, and she apologized stating that the boys feel the need to come with her, but she should have told them to stay home.

Needless to say, boundaries have been crossed many times and I'm sick of it. Every time my stepdad is around our child I cringe involuntarily. (Husband does too). I honestly don't even want him around our child, but it's inevitable if I want my mom around. I'm at a loss of even what to do at this point. I don't know how to say what I'm feeling and how lines are being crossed without sounding like a jerk?

The most recent thing that is small but I want to say no because of all the previous events is that my mom asked to add my little brother and stepdad to a family picture share for my daughter. I have only female family members and my husband in the group, all of maybe 7 people. I don't want to add them, but I know be saying no won't exactly go over well. How do I reinforce my boundaries, and how do I deal with them being crossed?