Losing my shit

I’m literally losing my shit in life. With my kids and my husband. My oldest Never listens and talks back all the time and is straight up nasty (7 years old). All he wants to do is play computer games or watch tv and when I tell him his time is up- he says I’m the worst mom and he hates this family or “worst day ever”. Sometimes he even raises his hand on me and hit me (it won’t hurt tho). The harder I push the harder he pushes. Irk what to do.

The other one just cries ALL THE TIME (almost 2 years and 2 months). Like literally, all the time. She wakes up in the morning- she cries. She wakes up from her nap- she cries. I’m scrambling around the house in the evening trying to get stuff done- she cries. I end up doing stuff half assed with her on my arm to just have a moment of silence. My husband is never home- he fills his schedule with school and work so he has a reason not to be home but then complains how things are unorganized and half assed at home. We fight all the time and Our fights get too intense too quickly and things escalate from little things. I don’t even want to know what neighbors think about us.

I just can’t deal with life anymore. I actually look forward to going to work during the week. I’m exhausted all the time and super sleepy and sluggish whenever I need to do anything. My daughter doesn’t act the way she does with others- I’ve seen her behind the scenes. She’s happy and playing but the second she she’s me she becomes clingy and just whines and cries. I honestly get bad thoughts and think my kids would be better off without me.

Nothing is going the way I want it to in my life and I’m just stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Not looking for advice, just venting.