Baby needs surgery

So my baby was diagnosed with testicular torsion. Which basically means one of his testicles got twisted and died, so it will have to be removed. This happened while I was still pregnant. I moved away to a different state when I got married, so we only have my husband's family here. My husband and I decided that since people (kids especially) can be so cruel, and we want our son to grow up feeling as normal as possible, that we wouldn't tell anybody other than our parents about our son's diagnosis.

The issue is, his surgery should be when he's six months old and I'm extremely anxious about it, as any mother would be. When I get a minute to sit down and relax I just start crying because it's all I think about. So I work myself like crazy to get my mind off of it.

The other issue is, since we aren't telling anyone, I won't ever be able to leave my baby with anyone to babysit until he's potty trained so for the next two years I don't see any breaks in sight, except when we go visit my mom. My husband's mom knows, but her husband is abusive and while I trust my MIL with my life, I can't trust her husband around my baby.

It's just very overwhelming. I can't quit thinking about when he was born they told us at the hospital that he was perfectly healthy and sent us home. And five days later I left my house to go to a lactation consultant appointment and she saw it, and was worried and by the end of what was suppose to be a normal day I was standing over my son in a hospital bed at Children's being told he needed surgery right away, but he might die from bleeding out in surgery or from not being able to handle the anesthesia. Then we were told it could wait until he's six months when his chances are better. I Just hate being alone all day with all these thoughts running through my mind. I want to fast forward through these next five months to when the surgery is over and everything is done and I know my baby is safe and fine. But then I feel horrible for wishing time with my baby away, because I don't want him to grow up. This sucks and I'm not ok.