Pregnant and my life is falling apart!!! I’m struggling and I don’t know what to do!

I don’t know if it’s hormones or what is going on but I feel like my life is falling apart. Like up until a few weeks ago I felt like I had everything I wanted in life. I have been so happy. But I’m not happy now.

I have been in the same job for over 8 years and I love it. But for the past few weeks I just don’t want to be here. I am impatient with my clients, annoyed by pretty much everything and I just generally hate being here and can’t imagine working here another 4-5 months before I go on maternity leave.

I love my partner so much but the last 2 days I just worry that we aren’t compatible AT ALL. He is kind and sweet and honourable but we have nothing in common. Having nothing in common has never bothered me before but right now I feel like it’s such a big mistake being with him. I feel like we are bad for each other. But I feel like I wouldn’t be good for anyone and would really just be better off alone forever.

I feel like my family would probably be better off without me around too. I put my foot in my mouth a lot and recently I have just felt so out of place.

Our baby was very much planned for and wanted and we have been so excited!! But right now it feels like I shouldn’t have this baby or any kids at all. I feel like I’m not going to be a good mum and I’m worried I won’t love my baby. Like how can I be expected to be able to care for my baby when everything in my life is wrong.

I planned on taking a year off work when I have the baby but now I’m so worried I’m going to be forced back to work early and into a job I hate and I’ll have to pay more for childcare than I make at work.

My partner has been training to get his pilots licence. This is not cheap and he has forked out so much money but has had a couple of set backs with one exam he has failed a couple of times by just one question. He said he is ready to throw the towel in even though he has already invested so much. And he was doing his pilots licence so he would have a better work life balance. He is currently in a job that he leaves for at around 4:30am (sometimes earlier) and doesn’t get home from until 7pm (sometimes later). He will be leaving for work before our kids wake up and getting home after they’ve gone to bed. I wouldn’t mind so much if he was getting paid correctly, but he doesn’t get personal leave, annual leave or long service leave. He doesn’t get weekend or public holiday penalty rates. And he’s just comfortable being there and not interested at all in looking elsewhere.

Honestly, the only thing I’m truly happy about is having my dog.