I’m not looking for sympathy, at all. Wondering if I’m the one one feeling this way. I honestly don’t think I’m depressed, I had a TOUGH delivery yet everything about my daughter makesl me so happy. I’m so blessed and I can’t help but to smile when I even think about her precious face. My issue is with myself. I’ve always had low self esteem and right before I got pregnant, was just getting comfortable with myself. Now I’m back over 300lbs and is completely disgusted and disappointed with myself. I don’t feel pretty. It took weeks for me to even look at myself in the mirror.

My husband always makes jokes that he cannot wait until my 6 weeks are up so we can be intimate but I have absolutely no desire for sex or any other intimacy. So much to the point that I called and rescheduled my 6 week postpartum check up appointment for next week to give me more time. When I look at my body, see how big I am, and my other insecurities (4th degree tear from delivery) how can anyone be attracted to me? Ever? I’m not even attracted to myself anymore. I’m completely disgusting and insecure. I spend most of my time admiring other mothers’ beauty and WISHING I could be beautiful too. Mind you, I still happily perform all my wifely duties: cooking, cleaning, taking care of the baby and I’m honestly happy to do so that’s why I don’t think I’m depressed.

I just wanna take my newborn daughter and go. My husband definitely deserves better than what I can offer. Is this depression?