I found out my partner was sleeping with another woman for the first 2 years of our relationship...

When it all went down, I sat with the woman and screenshot all their messages to each other, listened to her side of things and let my partner tell his side... It’s not black and white and I’m sure there are so many details I still don’t know but... in a nutshell - they were dating for a few months before I met him, he broke up with her but she refused to let him go, played the “mentally unhealthy” card and held his passport and owed money (she paid for a semester of his university) as blackmail.. she made him visit her then have sex, lots of bdsm shit then would text him saying she loved him, she can’t live without him, she can’t be alone, she has no other friends... her blackmail changed to “I’ll tell your gf about us” when he finally paid her back and stole his passport back.

My confession is: I feel terrible that my husband was, in a sense, sexually abused... he was blackmailed into having sex. We have been going to couples counseling to deal with it and even had our own solo sessions, BUT I’m less angry that my partner was having sex with another woman while being with me and more angry that he is a victim so I feel like my feelings of hurt are almost ‘not worthy’... whenever I get triggered and get upset, I talk to him about it and he will explain something about the blackmail or relate it to how he feels and I FEEL that I’m not ‘allowed’ to be deeply upset, I have to feel sorry for him (he doesn’t play on it, he’s always so genuine when trying to comfort me)... I just feel petty

*EDIT* his reason for not going to the cops was that he didn’t want to get deported (he is over here on a student visa)... this woman has a friend who got a boyfriend deported for false abuse claims, so he was scared she would do the same