I fucked up.
Okay I’ve been married for 7 years now, we have three children, two boys and a diva. After I had my daughter, my husband admitted to me that he didn’t find me attractive anymore. ( 50% was my fault because honestly I just let myself go and it was hard trying to keep myself pretty with three kids, 4,3, and a baby) BUT I still feel like that’s not excuse for him to say it to me. Anyway fast forward, to January my baby is 3 months and my marriage is looking like it’s about to fail. I had a really good friend of mine(which was a man)and we were talking about how depressed I was, how my husband doesn’t look at me the same anymore and he’s disrespectful and etc. He advised me on what I can do to make our marriage work and how I can try to get myself out of this “slump” We talked everyday because I couldn’t talk to my husband, he was being a real dick towards me and We would argue every single day and I know sometimes I got on his nerves but I couldn’t figure out what his REAL problem was with me. So, I kept confiding in my friend and long story short I slept with him. I had no choice but to tell my husband. I did not by all means want to be with my friend, I could’ve said no, I could’ve said stop or ran out of his house but I didn’t. I told my husband and he of course was beyond upset, we separated. My kids and i stayed at my sisters from January- Mid February after that I rented an apartment from Mid-February to May. I called my husbands and text him everyday saying how sorry I was but for 4 months he didn’t call or text me, not even to speak to his kids. Finally the end of May, he called me and told me he was sorry because he felt like it was his fault that I had to confide in another man and that I had to go sleep with another man and that he wanted his family back home, BUT I told him that what I did you will never be able to forgive me ( I gave my husband my virginity and my friend was the second person that I had slept with) and I did not want to come back. He insisted that I come back. Soo September 2019, he is going back to how he was, but worst because now when we argue he calls me a whore. I wrote this long post because I have no one to talk to because ever since I came back he kinda of told me I had to stop talking to my sister and she is the only person I have and now he has become really controlling, i can’t work now so that means I don’t have my own money and I have no one now to confide in. I’m really lost and stuck and at this point I don’t know what to do.