So fu€king upset right now....

For five years I’ve been trying to get a divorce. In 8/14 things came to a head and I told my husband he had to go. At night when I went to bed I’d think to myself “well girl you know God, so if he kills you you’ll wake up in heaven. That’s how I went to sleep at night. When I’d be in the bathroom washing my Face I would be trying to look behind my back because he’d do shit to me from behind or when I was physical shit. I tried to medicate the pain away and got up to 14 Percocet 10mg a day (my MD prescribed them because I had knee surgery). I didn’t realize that after a while I wasn’t medicating my physical pain, I was medicating my mental pain. I was even taking antidepressants when he should’ve been the one taking them. He had been diagnosed years before with Bipolar and Major Depressive disorder but instead of taking his prescribed medication, he’d self medicate with alcohol.

On the way to our sons 1 yr birthday party we were in what I thought was a heated discussion until I woke up and was on the floor with him stepping over me. He had head butted me.

Today we met to get a joint petition for divorce notarized and it brought all the trauma back. He’s still the angry nasty hateful person I married. We hadn’t been dating long before we got married which was the first mistake I made. I believed lies he told me about his previous gf ....he said he caught her in the act of cheating which I used to excuse his controlling behavior towards me. I wasn’t that woman. I was an honest loyal woman and wanted to prove that to him. So when he expressed controlling behavior I excused it. I even blamed his mother because she put him foster care when he was 8 years old. I had compassion and couldn’t imagine how a mother could take her 8 yr old and put him in the system. At the time she had 3 kids and he was the oldest. She told him she couldn’t afford to take care of them all and he was the oldest. But then she had THREE more kids after that. I felt for him. My heart went out to him. But he really made my life a living hell.

Today I met him to sign those papers and he was rude to the notary lady. He started an argument in front of her and all I could think was “Lord just please let him sign these papers”. He’s been putting me off for years but this year he got a gf and I noticed he’s even wearing a wedding ring. I’m like desperate to get this divorce before she realizes she made a mistake being with him too.

In 2014 he started trying to attack our teenaged son. That day in August was the last time. I couldn’t leave the because I didn’t know what he’d do to him and I didn’t trust him. He’d grabbed him by his neck and had him pinned against the front door clinching his fists because my so tried defending me. Our son was 15 and was big (man sized; over 6 feet tall 190 lbs) but he was just a boy and my husband was VIOLENT. I had a son prior to our relationship and he had tried “disciplining” him but I was able to keep that from happening. I never thought he’d do the same thing to his own flesh and blood. Years before I had put both my sons in self defense classes -myself too. This only made him sneakier.....slipping up behind me for attacks. I earned a black belt 🥋 and could somewhat defend myself so he would sneak up on me.

Ladies make sure you know the man you’re marrying.

Edit: yes he signed the papers after starting an argument in front of the notary about what he would and wouldn’t pay for. He’s just soooo hostile towards me it’s ridiculous.

Also our son is 19 and we have a 14 yr old daughter. I don’t stop either of them from seeing their dad but our son refuses to communicate with him and our daughter is starting to pull away from him too. I remind them to call their dad on special occasions and his birthday because I get calls from him blaming me for the kids not calling him. Our son is his own man even at 19 and doesn’t even live at home with me anymore. He’s always been nothing but a respectful son towards me but he clearly remembers how crazy his dad behaved....trying to attack me and destroying my office. My mother and grand daughter was also present for that last incident.