This past Saturday (September 7, 2019) we had a gender reveal I was 18 weeks. It was the happiest day of our lives. My husband wanted a son so bad. I wanted to give him a son. We picked out his name and we went home celebrating! Sunday in church we proudly wore blue, we were having a baby boy! Everyone was so happy for us, given last year we had a miscarriage at 9 weeks and we never knew our child's gender.

That all came crashing down Sunday night (September 8, 2019). I was so tired so I skipped dinner and went straight to bed. My husband for some reason kept trying to wake me up. I realize now he saved my life. I got up after sleeping for 2 hours, I tried to eat but I kept feeling pain from what I thought was gas. So I went to use the bathroom and our son just came out. I screamed and screamed I was horrified. I had to look my husband in the eyes and tell him. "It's your son, I lost your son." I kept apologizing, I will never forget the look of horror on his face.😥 I felt like I let him down, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. My sister is a nurse so I told him to call her over, we live in the same complex. She called 911, I kept begging the EMTS to not to let me see him like that. I couldn't handle that. The covered everything. On my way to the hospital, I cant remember what happened. I felt my husband holding my hand but that was about it. All of a sudden my blood pressure and heart rate dropped. I passed out, I just kept feeling them punching me in the chest, I felt my legs go numb, I couldn't move. I got to the hospital from what they told me my BP was 80/40 and my heart rate was in the 50's. All I remember was asking every nurse and doctor "am I dying? Am I gonna die with my son?" They gave me something to raise my blood pressure and bring me back. As soon as, I came back I just kept apologizing to my husband, I just felt an overwhelming amount of grief and hurt. I just cried. I am just devastated. I don't understand what went wrong he was a healthy baby. They dressed our son and asked did we want to see him. At first I said no, I didn't know what to expect. Little did I know seeing him would bring me closure. They brought him in, surrounded by my family, we sang to him and sent him off to heaven. He is the most beautiful child I have even seen. And seeing his face brought my husband and I the most unexplainable peace and joy. We looked at each other and smiled. I changed his name to Jonavan (sparkle of my eye) Liam (strong warrior and fight). We chose to have a commencement ceremony for him this Sunday and we are gonna plant a tree. Even though we are devastated, God gave us peace and He spared my life and that's all we could ask for. We plan to never give up hope and keep trying to have children. In the meantime please continue to pray for us that we can make it through this difficult time in our life.