For those who believe in God
I need help. My faith has not been where it needs to be for a long time now, and I feel like I’ve been living a lie. I go to church and stare at awe at my husband who’s loving and faithful and I wish that I can be like him. I wish that I had a great relationship with God, and I’m sinful in the fact that I pretend like I do. The truth is that I feel a huge wall up and I don’t know how to get past it. I don’t feel like I can talk to God. I feel shameful and embarrassed, and I don’t know how to start. I would be lying if I said I didn’t question what I do and don’t believe, and that I don’t feel some resentment for not getting what I need. I’m really stuck and I really really need help but I don’t know where to turn. I’m so embarrassed to say any of these things to anybody even my own husband. My best friend is the most beautifully faithful person I know and I can’t talk to her. She’s pregnant and I don’t want to bring her down. I feel like everything is always about me and I just don’t know if I can put this burden on her.