Hi ladies. So I'll try to make this as short as possible.

I lost my third pregnancy a couple months ago. It was the furthest I've gotten (21 weeks) during the whole pregnancy I suffered from sever anxiety and panic attacks and had to be home 24/7. It was really rough. I had a sub chorionic hematoma and had massive bleeding a few times.

After losing my daughter I found out my uterus won't stretch far enough to support a full term pregnancy. So if I were to get pregnant again I'd lose it.

My sister offered to surrogate for us. She wants to do it soon since she's coming up on 32. I'm 29 and my husband is 32 now.

At first I was so 100% for it. But right now my anxiety hasn't gone away (I had it years ago and it went away and I was fine for years before this, so I'm hoping it'll go away again)

Anyways to my point of the story... I go back and forth on if I even want a kid or not. Growing up all I wanted to be was a mom. But now going through what I went through, having to do the

<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>

and surrogate process is making me second guess. I'm a stay at home wife and sometimes feel like my life doesn't have purpose. I've gone to school but I don't want to work in the field I got my degree in and I don't want to go back to retail.

I'm trying to push myself out of the house more to try to get over my anxiety. There's just so much to think about. My husband really wants to be a dad especially after all this. He was so excited the whole pregnancy.

So if I decide I don't want to then I'm taking that away from him. There's just sooo much i think about 😭.