Literally what is your fucking problem? Why are you like this? You only want to see me when you can’t see your gross ass boyfriend. I know he hates me and I know he doesn’t want to let you hang out with me, but why do you listen to him? I just want you to know that if I were you, I would break up with him. I would never let a fucking boy drive a wedge between you and I. You mean so much to me. You’re my best friend. Two years ago in eighth grade when we met, it meant the entire universe to me that I finally had someone in my life that I could trust, someone who actually cared about me.

But for some reason, you’re acting so distant. Did I do something? Is it really just because of your boyfriend, or do you hate me now? I feel like you’re trying to push me away. And I know how cheesy this sounds, but we were best friends and now it feels like you want nothing to do with me. I feel gross. And worthless. And alone. It’s not your fault that I feel like this, you’re not responsible for my emotions. But that’s the way I felt before I met you, and now that we’ve grown so far apart, that’s the way I feel all over again.

I’m sorry, but I miss you. And I know I’m alone. And I know that, without you, I have no friends. Maybe some people I know, but that’s it. You’re my last actual friend. And now you’re gone.

And well, when you go, don’t ever think I’ll make you try to stay. But it’s bothering me that you’re acting so fucking cowardly. You’re acting like we’re all good while you’re walking away from me. Just say it. Just tell me what I did wrong and tell me you’re gonna walk away. And then put your money where your mouth is and do it. Just go.

I know that if I was you, I would give enough of a damn that I would be able to tell you to your face what’s wrong and I would be able to walk away. Because that’s what you mean to me. Two years. You’ve been my best friend for two years and you owe me at least a little honesty. That’s all I need. I just want you to be honest.

I’m not something to butter up and taste when you get bored, and I won’t be treated that way. I need you to be consistent. Decide who I am to you (best friend, casual friend, old friend, acquaint, etc.) and let me know.

I can’t say I’m surprised that it’s come to this. I’m disappointed, but not surprised. Everyone has their fun and leaves. That’s the way it is. I loved you and you meant so much to me. I’m writing this and remembering the laughter, the inside jokes, and all the phases we went through together. There’s a reason we called each other “twin”.

You were always my best friend. In eighth grade when I was in the hospital (remember when I missed your birthday?), I remember crying because I missed you. Through everything, you were there and it meant the world to me.

I guess I never meant that much to you at all.

Do I even mean anything? Have I ever meant anything?

I feel like I’m just another pawn in your losing game.

This hurts to write. It hurts a lot. But I know how to take a hint. So I guess this is just goodbye?

Best regards,