Why do I miss him....

My ex sexually assaulted me and I hated him. I wanted him gone and I’d cry every night for a good month and a half. School is back and now that I see his face regularly this feeling hits and I feel like I miss him. We were together for seven months and I miss that he always called and texted me and was here for me. I don’t think I can love anyone the same but I know that I can’t go back to him after what he did. Idk how to cope with this😓😓😓