At a loss

Jenifer β€’ Married to my best friend πŸ’ Mommy to two Angel's πŸ‘ΌπŸ‘Ό10/12/15 03/13/18 1 miscarriage and 1 ectopic. Pregnant with our 🌈 due 03/30/21 born on 03/11/21
I am at a complete and utter loss right now. My d&c is schedule tomorrow for 7:30 am. I hate this feeling i hate the fact that we have lost our babies(all of us women) as man and angry and upset that i am . i am not mad at god for this. I have a feeling that my Lupus had part to do with this . the hardest part is really coming to terms with it. My baby that i have wanted for years is now gone. I know one day we will have our rainbow baby but that will never cover the way i feel. I just want my baby back!!