debate time


so i just had a mini argument with my bf. all is well now but im not sure how to feel about it. i showed him a picture of an ear piercing i want to get (an orbital conch) and he dismissed it immediately. told me that he thought it was ugly and he didnt want me to get it. naturally that made me upset as it would anyone; no one wants a controlling partner. and i should note that since i met him i’ve dyed my hair from blond to green, then to black, plus gotten a huge hoop in my nose and he’s never cared about any of that. he recognized that its asshole-y to tell me what to do with my own ears but just stated very matter of factly that he thought it was unattractive and just didnt like the idea at all. so after i express how it made me upset and we debate back and forth for a few mins he retracts and says that if i want it he cant tell me no and it wont change the way he feels about me but just that he really doesnt like the way it looks.

so that was sort of the end of it, we changed the subject and moved on (we’re in an ldr so this was all over ft). i know his opinion shouldnt matter bc im in control of my own body and all that but i can understand his argument. like if he came and said he wants a certain haircut or piercing or tattoo that i thought looked really bad i guess its the same?? and if i thought it was truly horrible i’d probably express the same sentiment (“do it if you want but i hate it” sort of thing). so its not really fair of me to say he cant have any opinion on cosmetic stuff like that. and although i wanted the piercing before i honestly would rather settle on one we both like before i do something that my s/o finds unattractive. does this make me a bad feminist or what? is there a line to be drawn? obviously appearance is superficial in a relationship but no one can argue that physical attraction plays a huge part. sorry this is long but i want some validation for my Thoughts lmfao

p.s. if you have a serious opinion that conflicts with his or mine then do share but please no snarky “dump him” comments. im in love with this man and we have already talked it through amongst ourselves + he never said anything to intentionally hurt my feelings. im just trying to sort out my own feelings on the matter peace n luv ✨