We’re supposed to start trying next week... and I’m so depressed 😓

I’ve been ready to TTC for a few months and my husband finally came around to it a few weeks ago and we’re planning to start trying next cycle, which, my fertile window begins a week from today.

I’m feeling so beyond depressed today i’m at work on the verge of tears debating going home early. Today is my 23rd birthday actually, and usually I love my birthday but this year I’m just so down about it and I don’t know why. I’m on day 3 of my period now and it’s been a particularly bad one, so maybe that’s contributing, but idk.

I don’t even know why I feel so bad right now. I just feel like there’s a dark fog in my head and it’s like yelling at me not to have a baby because if I’m suffering this much through bad menstrual cramps, I’m not strong enough to handle the difficulties of pregnancy and motherhood, and if I’m this depressed for no reason I’m not fit to be a mom.

I just feel so so horrible right now and I can’t believe my husband is finally at the point where he’s counting the days until my fertile window, and holding my belly saying he can’t wait for our baby to be in there, and smiling at babies in public and saying things like “can we get a little headband like that for ours?” and now I just feel so down about myself while part of me wants a baby so badly the other part of me is screaming that I can’t handle it.

Please help 😓