I’ll try to be as brief as possible:

This is my 2nd child. My 1st was breech - a planned c-section. We have 3 bedrooms and made one room into a guest room, which my in-laws stayed in for the first month to help. The first month was rough. Baby had trouble nursing, was chronically underweight, and had acid reflux so didn’t sleep well in the crib flat. At the end of the first month when the in-laws left I was just at my lowest - exhausted and felt terrified to do it on my own without anyone there to help. Frankly, I felt incompetent. I didn’t realize til later that the hardest part of all that was I never had much of a chance in that first month to feel successful as a new mom - my mother-in-law was always swooping in to save me. And, though I certainly appreciate the help, it didn’t help in my confidence as a new mom.

2nd baby will be born when the first is about 20 months. The 1st is wonderful - sleeps beautifully for night and naps, generally easy to work with.

My husband and I have started to have the conversation about who will stay, who will help, etc. now for the options - which do you think is best? **the in-laws live a plane ride away, so that’s why this is a discussion of where they will stay and for how long**

- Keep that guest room in our house and have the in-laws stay with us again. The help may be nice.

- Have then stay elsewhere (at my brother-in-laws or a hotel) and re-claim that extra bedroom for my toddler. She currently is sleeping in the nursery, which will belong to her brother soon enough, and it’s not ideal because the newborn and her will share a wall if she stays there (think of middle of the night crying/feedings). And some space may be better for my confidence as a mother of two.

- Limit the amount of time the in-laws stay all together. Maybe the best thing for me as a new mother of two is to not feel like I can’t possibly do this without the help of others. That’s how it feels, honestly, that if we treat this decision like we’d never make it on our own, I’d feel like I could actually never make it on my own.

Also, to clarify, my husband is a super attentive father. But he works 60+ hours per week and I’m a stay at home mom. That’s why it falls more on me, although he does help with nights :)