VENTING ABOUT ALOT (Long story) I hope you guys can keep up with all my different stories 😂 I just needed to get them out and can’t do it on Facebook without a family member getting but hurt.

Okay. So I’m going to vent to my glow girls. I’m not saying that growing up can’t be fun because of the adult decisions you now get to have. Or being able to leave when you want or anything. Especially because my now husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 8 months now. I did have the mirena so I know it will take some time. But girls.... I miss my dad so much 😭😭 I lost my dad suddenly may 27th 2018 while we were camping because he had a major heart attack. It was the day my world turned upside down.... I have lived with my dad since 2013 because my mom chose drugs over her daughter.... me and my dad were the BEST OF FRIENDS. We lived together, worked together, we went to lunch together he whole nine yards!! He was my biggest support and since he has been gone I have had to take care of everything with my grandmother. Paying the house off, switching the vehicles and everything in my name. I know my dad left me alright. But that’s not the point. The point is that even after a year I just want him back.... the night replays in my head all the time. I watched it all. I was 21 at the time. We also have 2 dogs. Which I kept because they are my family and I couldn’t imagine not having them. But I cry myself to sleep every night or yell and get frustrated because I want him back so bad. Well I hung out with my grandma (his mother) and it really helped me get through a lot. But my grandma was battling cancer. And things went from okay to horrible. And of course cancer does do that but it got to a point she remembered nothing and it hit me hard because she is the reason I kept myself together and I really wanted her to be at my wedding since my dad couldn’t be so we had our wedding at the hospital (June 22) where she was. Well.... she ended up going with Jesus sep. 21st. And it REALLY HIT ME THEN. Don’t get me wrong my husband has been a GREAT support system but I still want my old life back... I now see why people don’t want to grow up. So much changes in life that you will never get back... my dad wasn’t able to be at my wedding.. he won’t be there to visit his first grand-baby... (we always talked about me having children and how they would want to be with there papaw all the time 🥰😂😢) and now I’ll never know what that’s like... well I have an uncle that lives down the road. And he is the complete opposite of my dad. Just a real dick. He found out that me and my husband were trying to conceive, which he shouldn’t have but I have cousins (his kids) that run there mouth at everything they hear. And he got mad. Mind you I have done it all on my own for over a year!!! Have always held a job and never asked for money!!! Well his kids are the opposite because he babied the fuck out of them. And he tryed telling us we weren’t ready??? We have been together 5 years!!!! And have been on our own for a year in a half. I just don’t feel like it’s any of there business. My uncle and cousins are the type of people that feel like everything is a competition. And since I was already married and there not and am now trying (which they are too). And it’s sad because even if I do get pregnant I feel like I can’t tell them because if they don’t get pregnant first then they just get snobby and act like they aren’t happy for you. Like I don’t get it ??? NOT EVERYTHING IS ACOMPETITION YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE HAPPY FOR SOMEONE which is how my dad raised me. It’s just times like these where I wish my dad was here because I know he would have my back. It’s just sad that I have family I can’t express things too because of jealousy. And like I said in the beginning, sometimes growing up really sucks....