So I recently started my internship with an organization that works with different religious institutions. I did this intentionally because I wanted to learn from that environment and become more aware of my personal biases (I’m a social worker.)

Anyway, I’m gay and I have a girlfriend. I’ve been interacting with more people at church and I’ve had several people ask if I’m single or not.

The first time it happened this man pointed out how I don’t have a ring on my finger so he assumed I was single. I was not prepared at all to respond, so the conversation continued without me and he pointed out to other people at the meeting how they should find me a nice church boy. (Pass, right? Anyway..) The topic changed so that was that I figured I’ll clarify that I’m dating someone next time or maybe I wouldn’t so they wouldn’t be curious and start asking questions and then have to lie. I didn’t give it much thought after that.

THEN, at another event this guy was nervously talking to me and a woman asked if I was single. I quickly got a sense that the guy was interested or something so I too quickly said I wasn’t. Then, she asked how my “boyfriend” felt about me being at work so late (It was 6:00 pm?) and she quickly followed with “is he supportive?” And I just said “yes.” (Which she is, she’s the most amazing partner I could have ever wished for.)

Anyway, now I’m at a crossroads. I don’t know what to do. I was planning on just ignoring the questions for as long as I could and then say I was single. My girlfriend is okay with that but I don’t feel right saying that. I also thought about going with it and saying she’s a “he” because she does actually use male pro-nouns sometimes and says she’s my boyfriend. (She’s cis though. It’s just a thing she says.) but my girlfriend brought up how that would be straight out lying. Which is true. And if I did this they would want to see pictures, etc. I already know. It’s community work so people get close and into each other’s lives.

To add to that, the other intern, who is man, brought his girlfriend to a large community meeting we had yesterday. And now I feel that if word gets out that I have a boyfriend, that I’m going to have to now lie about how he’s busy and shit.

So now I feel bad and I don’t know what to do.

On top of that, it makes me so sad. I KNOOOOW for a FACT that if this was a more accepting group, my girlfriend would be at these events from start to finish. To help set up and take everything down. She knows how important all of this is to me and I know she would 10000% be there.

I guess I really needed to rant about this but also get some feedback from others who would be able to relate to my situation. As much as I want to be honest, I know it won’t work out. I’m sure these people would be unaccepting of me, & I’d likely have to find another internship site.

Sooooo, gimme what you got. Pls. & thank you for reading my post.

One option is to tell my field instructor the truth and scope how this woman would feel about me being gay. (They’re cousins.) I think that if I talk to her genuinely, then maybe I could prevent others from finding out and then having to keep up with the lies. But then the concern would be if she would be able to keep it to herself.

I don’t think I could be able to ignore people if they started asking about my “boyfriend.” And I don’t want to be all “we broke up.”

In hindsight I should’ve just said I was single and not looking. But it’s too late for that.