Need support, feel like I'm falling apart

So a guy who was my dads best friend and a 2nd father to me passed away back in August 2018, my grandpa passed away back in December he was my first and longest best friend. Then I had a miscarriage in June, my oldest started kindergarten and is having troubling adjusting and now I am pregnant again at 10 weeks. As much as I wanted another baby so bad I feel I am resenting it I am in a bad place my husband and I are constantly fighting. I just cant seem to catch a break and when stuff starts getting low all i can think of is my grandpa and how badly i miss him. I just wish i wanted this baby ad much as i wanted my other two, i feel like a horrible mom and wife and i dont think i can talk to my husband about it all without him judging me. :( sorry long story, just emotional