people waiting for delivery?

Question

To start, the dynamic with my MIL is complicated. I have made clear to my husband that when I go into labor I only want him and my mother with us. And after our baby is born we will spend a few hours recovering and enjoying our baby together before anyone can come meet him. My mom will even leave after to give us private bonding time. My husband is completely in agreement also. 
However, when I bring up that people do not need to rush to the hospital when I go into labor it starts such a weird conversation about his mom wanting to be there. And I keep explaining that I could labor for 1-48 hours, plus the time after we take to bond. And for his MIL to drive 2 hours doesn’t seem needed until after the baby is born. 
I’m worried that people waiting will bring a distraction. My husbands a good guy and I don’t want him looking at his phone to fill his mom in, or leave to go chat with whoever is waiting. Plus the pressure after they baby is there to let people in earlier then I want. 
I feel like I’m over thinking in. But I know how his mom is. And I just want really want to reduce stress in all this. Thoughts ladies?

Answer

Do what I did, just don't tell them you're in labor 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

Don’t tell anybody you’re in labor. Once baby is born get your bonding time in and then make an official announcement.

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Just have him call her right after birth. It will take her at least 2 hours to get there. 🤷‍♀️

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I have a similar birth plan and my MIL wants to come and wait as well. I told her our plan and she was in agreement but still wants to wait. She said she will be willing to go get food for us while were at the hospital and if we needed anything else she will be our “errand person” which I’m okay with. That way my mom and my husband can stay with me. I also know that I want my mom there for my support so my husband will probably want his mom there for him (even though he’s denying it right now). It will also be nice since she will be there when the baby is born my husband and tell her and she and my mother can take care of notifying our families so my husband and I can dedicate 100% of our time to our baby and not trying to remember everyone we need to tell. I tried thinking of all the positives of having her wait since I want a positive labor and delivery. If she wants to sit in a hospital waiting room for 24-48 hours that’s on her. I have a iffy relationship with my mother in law but we get along for the most part. Hopefully she will stick to her word.

Answer

As the mother to a son I’d be very upset if the other grandmother got to meet the baby immediately but I had to wait- seems like a huge double standard. So though I don’t like my MIL I will give her the same fairness my mother gets just for principle. I followed my husband during his training to give birth across the country first time around. Now I have to make these decisions too since I’m going to give birth in close driving distance. I say if your mother meets and then leaves right away the the same should be for the other grandmother. It’s fair but if your MIL gives you that space and doesn’t care either way, like my MIL will probably say, then it’s no problem. Your mother and his mother are equals to that baby though in grandparent hood and ties so the baby is just as important to her so I’d consider those things before making a decision

Answer

Wait till after your bonding time to tell family, etc you’ve had the baby 
No one needs to know and how are they to know if it’s a fast quick birth or slower 
If you don’t want to be bugged then don’t tell anyone! 
This is my 6th baby and will not be telling anyone I’m in labour, etc till baby has safely made his arrival

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We just plan not to say anything 🤷‍♀️ only way I'll tell anyone I am in labor (other than hubby obviously) is if it's a planned thing since I really want my mom to be there because this is my first baby. Other than that if it happens naturally we probably wont say anything for a few days after the baby is born.

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My hospital only allows 2 people in the labor and delivery room with you and lucky for me that’s all I want is my mom and my boyfriend. My mom is leaving right after baby is born and nobody will be aloud to visit us until we are home. The time in the hospital is your first moments with your baby and I would hate having people coming in and out constantly. It will just be me and my boyfriend and honestly everyone else can get over it and see the baby when we get home or they can be mad and not see the baby at all 🤷‍♀️ point is stick by what you want and don’t let anyone push you into doing something you don’t want to do. Once baby is here everyone will get over all their hurt feelings anyways. Don’t worry about what’s fair and what isn’t or anyone but you and your husband and your baby.

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There so many dynamics that come into play. So there is no one size fits all. Personally, my MIL emits such high anxiety and really stresses me out just in normal circumstances. I don’t have a close relationship with her either. Where as my own mother is like my best friend. So during labor I plan to only have my husband and my mom with me. I think it’s important since you are the one that’s going to be laboring with your child that you do what’s best for you with the support you need and don’t feel guilty about other people’s feelings. My MIL will probably wait in the waiting room regardless, and as long as she doesn’t try to distract my husband by calling and texting, she can wait as long as she wants until after the baby is born and we are ready to take guests. 
Grandparents are important, but at the end of the day this your labor, your (and partners) baby, and the start of your family with your partner. And whatever you and your partner want thats what’s important.

Answer

I’d notify her once you’ve had the baby, this way it will take her 2 hours to get there and then you’ll have your little bonding time with your baby! 
I understand where you’re coming from my MIL said she doesnt care how long I’m in labour for, she’s waiting in the hospital for us. I don’t have an issue with that but I’ve told her we need some time after I’ve had the baby to let it all settle in, so she’s going to have to wait even longer.
It’s her first grand child so I’m not going to tell her to piss off and go home, if she wants to stay she can it’s up to her but I will make sure she follows our rules we have because becoming a first time parent is scary and I don’t need her shit talking and her trying to  tell me what to do as soon as I have the baby (which is what she is like). She already tries to question me on things.. she thinks I’ve never been around a baby or changed a baby or fed a baby, it’s rather annoying and I don’t need the stress. I know she’s trying to help but honestly it just makes me rather stressful and angry. 
Do what’s right for you your partner and your baby! Sod everyone else!