You died five years ago. It should have been me. please take my place in the world of the living im fucking miserable. Mom always talked about how you were going to die soon. i spent time with you bc of that. and then you did.

that day i was in class already depressed and i got checked out to wait in a car for 15 minutes to see your dead body.

we all feel conflicted about it all because you were awful in many ways. in the end, we miss you.

and i miss being naive. no one cares about me in this family. not even you would have sided with me. i've thought about this so many times. is it because they see my potential? my clear reasoning that cannot be argued with? i actually miss you. you were a cheater and a poor father but you were MY father. pretty sure my issue with existing around men is bc of u lol.

anyway, you raised me to be an atheist so i dont believe that you'll ever know of my feelings. but if i was religious id believe you were in hell, and id believe you were saving a spot for me too.