How do I make my husband understand..?

The last 7 weeks of my pregnancy were terrible. At 31 weeks, I had to be hospitalized for a week for unexplained heavy bleeding, and during that stay, doctor after doctor had to check my cervix and every single doctor was so rough while doing so that I would scream and cry in pain every time. I ended up being put on bed rest and pelvic rest the rest of my pregnancy. At 35 weeks, my doctor checked me and found that I was 5cm dilated and sent me to the hospital, only for me to progress to 6cm and get sent home because the baby wasn’t coming on her own. At 37 weeks, I started leaking amniotic fluid, which lead to me being induced.. during labor, I started pushing out massive blood clots and a lot of blood. I couldn’t stop shaking and my skin literally turned gray. After delivery, I had to go through hours and hours of nurses pressing on my belly to try to push out all of the clots. (After my delivery they told me my placenta had signs that it had ruptured at some point, likely explaining the bleeding I experienced weeks ago, but they couldn’t be sure.)

Fast forward to today, I’m just shy of 4 weeks PP and I’m struggling in every aspect of life. I have 2 older children, 11 years and 2 years, and I can barely look at them. I have no idea why. I know that I love them, I know they want to spend time with me, but all I can bring myself to do is sit in bed and hold my new baby. My husband is doing everything he can to help (he received a month of PTO, he has left than a week left) but is essentially raising our older kids by himself at this point. I know he resents me now. I’m failing at breastfeeding again. I’ve fantasized about just taking the baby and leaving and never coming back. I feel so alone and isolated from the world and I hate it. My husband and I are now fighting every night because every time I try to open up and tell him how I’m feeling, he makes it into a competition about who’s more exhausted and who’s struggling more.

Obviously I plan on talking to my doctor at my 6 week visit, but I guess I just need to know that I’m not the only one who has gone through these feelings and thoughts. I feel like I’m going crazy..