Am I a bad mother?

Question

I heard everyone tell me how much I would change after having the baby when I was pregnant, and I constantly hear other mothers talk about how they are a completely different person from before they had kids. But my baby is a month old and even though he has my whole heart and I would do ANYTHING for him I did not dramatically change after having him. I still have the same mind set, I feel the same way for my partner, I’m still happily seeing friends, and I don’t feel this huge change. 
I almost feel like I’m doing something wrong? And just to be clear I don’t feel unattached to my baby or anything like that, I just don’t feel unattached to the world either. I’m 18 so I thought maybe my age could factor into this.
Overall me, baby, and my SO are doing great. But I’m still waiting for this huge change that’s supposed to happen....

Answer

Wait until LO starts to be more self aware, more tantrums and teething...omg. Especially the teething..... nobody likes toothache but seeing your LO in pain and you've done everything you can to soothe it but still doesnt work...........then see how you feel lol. It doesnt last forever but feels like it. 😁

Answer

I hate this idea that we suddenly change by pushing a human out of our hoohoos. Yes maybe some women do, but I'm starting to think that most don't. I had the same feelings as you and it really contributed to my baby blues. I kept thinking "why don't I feel this all-encompassing love and like my life has only truly just begun like everyone said I would?" Luckily I was brave enough to share these thoughts with my husband and he said he didn't feel that either and that he thinks it's normal. My baby is almost 3.5 months and I still don't feel like a "mom." 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

No,I haven't changed, my little boy is 11 months old... Just because you have motherly instincts does not mean you change as a whole person... You are not just a mother. You are still you. Alit of women get wrapped up in becoming mothers and that's all they think they are, I have been struggling with seperating myself for just being a mum. I don't go out anymore, I don't see friends, it's hard to get out of but it is important for our mental health to actually remember that were people before we had babies.

Answer

You're definitely not a bad mother, I've known so many people who never changed after having a baby, not everybody does. Having my baby changed me massively but that's because I had a horrible pregnancy, traumatic premature birth and a baby in NICU/SCBU for almost 6 weeks. That gave me a whole new appreciation and outlook on life because both our lives were in danger, I can't say whether or not I would have changed if I'd had a good pregnancy and a healthy full term baby though.

Answer

Enjoy how you're feeling! I felt exactly the same when I had my first daughter at 19..it was literally one of the happiest times of my life..I still went everywhere I used to, she came with! Still absolutely loved my husband, my family..friends ect. It's honestly a blessing to feel this way..because I actually developed post partum depression with my second daughter and wished I could feel the way I did after my first.

Answer

You’re not a bad mother at all. I’m on baby #2, he’s 4 months and big brother is 3 years, and I don’t feel like I’ve changed much. Pretty much the biggest thing that bothers me is I don’t watch as many movies as I used to. But other than that I still watch pro wrestling, go to wrestling shows, watch dumb TV shows with my husband, read books, have dinner with friends, go to work. I love my kids, they’re amazing and awesome and exhausting, but I haven’t felt that all-consuming they’re the only things that matter type thing either.

Answer

It is ok not to change...or feel as if life is still pretty normal.  You might have an “easy” baby or just be in the honeymoon period.
I changed...but I was forced to when I birthed a high needs baby.

Answer

Personally, I don’t think I’m a radically different person just for having a baby but I would say that my priorities have changed. Different things are more important now. But, I feel the same, my relationship is great, and I keep wondering when I’ll feel like a mom and not just a woman with a baby.

Answer

I’m on kid number 2 and still waiting for that change. I’m also still waiting on the chaos that doesn’t allow me to shower (I was told with 1 I wouldn’t be able to for days and with 2 it would become impossible). Me and my husband still have date nights, have fun and although we focus a lot on the kids we haven’t lost ourselves or relationship in the process.

Am I a bad mother?

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