I’m not sure if I have PPD, but I’m feeling a bit like a failure. My husband has been on paternity leave for 5 weeks and keeps talking about how “easy this parenting thing is” and how “he doesn’t understand why co-workers complain about having a new baby.” Let me preface by saying, he really does help with her, but he 1) is deaf, so her crying doesn’t get to him at all 2) is getting a full night sleep (even if the hours are a bit off) where he sleeps 6-9 hours straight and I have baby. He gives me naps and watches her, which is wonderful...but 1.5/2 hour segments of sleep are just not enough to maintain sanity.

Also- baby seems so soothed by him. She screamed from 8-2am last night with me no matter what I did and he walked into the room at 2 to give me a nap..:she cried for about 20-30 minutes and settled for the rest of their time together (plus he can put her down and she’ll stay that way, but wakes the second I ever put her down 🤦‍♀️). I can’t get her to settle during her frantic night times and I can only get her to settle when I’m holding her during the day.

It makes me feel like I’m failing or my baby hates me (I know this is ridiculous, but I still feel it). I can’t ever find time to pump - which I need to do since I’m an overproducer b/c I can’t set her down ever. Hubby asks why I don’t wake him to pump, but he goes back to work in a few days and I need to find a way to navigate these things without him at some point (he’s also leaving for a weeklong work trip at the end of the month).

I’m aware that most of this is normal newborn behavior and it will get better, but I’m feeling like such a failure as a mom right now and don’t think little one and I are navigating this new reality very well. 😫