How do you decide which family to go to on the holidays?

Question

Warning: This will probably come out a little scatterbrained and very long winded. 
Short version: 
-Parents live 6 hours away. 
-Granny lives 2 hours away.
-Husbands family lives 20 minutes away. 
~Thanksgiving 2018: parents house. 
~Christmas eve 2018: granny’s house. 
~Christmas Day 2018: husbands family’s   house. 
Predicament: 
1. Where to spend holidays this year. 
2. Dad won’t compromise on going to granny’s house, insists we come to him. 
3. Feeling caught in the middle of pleasing everyone. 
4. I want peaceful holidays with as much family as possible. 
Long version: 
Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been a HUGE deal to me and my family. Growing up, my parents took my brother and I to my granny’s house for every single holiday, except two, when the family came to us. My parents live in Arkansas, granny and all aunts, uncles, and cousins live in Texas (all right next door to each other). It’s about a six hour drive, one way. I moved out of my parents house and into granny’s house when I was 18, due to problems between my dad and I. My dad has never been able to move on and has always held it against both me and granny (and rarely goes to granny’s house anymore). It’s been 7 years since then, and I’ve only been to one thanksgiving at my parents house, which was last year. My granny and I have grown extremely close in these years and as she’s growing older (just celebrated her 84th birthday in September), I want to spend as much time with her as possible. My husband and I and our 19 month old daughter now live two hours away from her.
So here’s the kicker, my husbands family lives 20 minutes away from us, and all three sides of the family want us to come to their house for both holidays. My granny and my husbands grandma understand that we will take turns at each respective house and alternate holidays. But my parents want my husband and I to bring our daughter to their house for both holidays. Our daughter is their first and only grandchild. 
Last holiday season, I took my daughter to my parents house for Thanksgiving and spent a week with them. For Christmas eve, I took my daughter to my granny’s house. On Christmas Day, I took my daughter to my husbands family’s house. My husband was working away from home on both holidays last year, so he missed his daughters first thanksgiving and Christmas. This year, he is off for both holidays, and we want to be as calm and relaxed as we can and just enjoy family. It was so stressful for me last year having to be at everyone’s houses for the holidays, and I just want to have fun with my husband and daughter. 
What would you do in a situation like this? 
What I would like to do is go to granny’s for one holiday, and my husbands family for the other holiday. And let my husband pick which holiday we spend where, since he missed both last year. But, I know if I don’t go to my parents house, it’s going to hurt my parents feelings. I wish they would just go to granny’s house so we could all be together as one big family, but I know they’re not going to do it, which makes this extremely hard for me. 
What do y’all think?

Answer

We try to switch off each year. My family is a 6 hour plane ride while his is a 4 hour car drive away. Sometimes my fiancé’s agency won’t allow him to take off for Christmas so we schedule time to see my family at a different time. We see my family once a year because of the distance. 
If either of your families is making it difficult then don’t bother visiting them. They should be ecstatic and do their part by meeting you in the middle.

Answer

If anyone has an issue with my holiday plans, I just stay home. 🤷🏼‍♀️. We plan to work Christmas this year to avoid both families all together. Lol

Answer

We don't. It was to much of a headache trying to please everyone so we stay home for all holidays.

Answer

Your plan is perfect. Don't worry about hurting their feelings vs. making yourself and your family happy and content. If your parents cared enough, they would make an effort to come to your granny's or even your in laws for the holidays. You shouldn't have to drive 6 hours away, especially with your daughter.

Answer

Do your own thing stop pleasing everyone enjoy it with just your family you have started

Answer

It's a game changer when you don't stress yourself and have to be anywhere the day of. 
For two years we always rushed out the door and drove long hours to get to xyz to spend abc days with whoever for whatever holiday. 
I had enough. I wanted to actually enjoy the holidays. So now we do our thing at home the day of and visit later. My parents even do a "Thankmas" a week after thanksgiving and just celebrate both. It's our holiday time just as much as everyone else. It's still magical family time regardless of the date on the calendar. 
Four years of doing our thing and I'll never go back.

Answer

i just stay home because i cannot be bothered, every time we got to my bd’s family there’s always drama . i don’t care to deal with it , let alone have my daughter around it

Answer

I think you should spend Thanksgiving with your granny, Christmas eve with your in laws and host Christmas day at your home and invite them all.

Answer

As of last year I started making family come to me if they wanted time with us. Growing up I hated being shuffled from place to place on holidays but my parents did it. My husbands family is super easy they come over and do basically whatever we want my family is a little
More complicated but I put my foot down. It’s more work for me at home but it’s so nice to stay home on holidays

Answer

Swap years. So everyone gets time on each holiday.

How do you decide which family to go to on the holidays?

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